1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:05,439 This programme contains strong language 2 00:00:17,274 --> 00:00:20,873 My flatmate says everything changes when you turn 30. 3 00:00:21,173 --> 00:00:25,351 The illusions of youth are replaced by rock solid realities. 4 00:00:26,510 --> 00:00:29,909 Anyway, I'm playing it very cool this birthday - 5 00:00:29,909 --> 00:00:33,187 a couple of beers, Chinese takeaway, watching telly. 6 00:00:35,187 --> 00:00:38,126 My friends are good about it. 7 00:00:38,126 --> 00:00:43,264 They know the last thing I want on my plate is a big splashy glittery hoo-ha. 8 00:00:45,264 --> 00:00:47,184 Th-they are clear about that. 9 00:00:57,500 --> 00:00:59,539 ALL: Surprise! 10 00:01:02,558 --> 00:01:06,570 - Leo! Leo, where do you think you're going? - Out. 11 00:01:06,570 --> 00:01:09,960 Get back in here. Go on! 12 00:01:10,175 --> 00:01:13,214 The boy's come back. Yahoo! 13 00:01:13,214 --> 00:01:18,130 Happy birthday. I wanted to show you where you are now on the medicine wheel. 14 00:01:18,130 --> 00:01:21,531 Out of the house of the hunter, which is a very solitary house 15 00:01:21,531 --> 00:01:26,209 - and into the house of the warrior. - Great. I'm just going to the loo. 16 00:01:26,209 --> 00:01:30,880 Look what I've made. Taste it. Happy birthday, Leo. 17 00:01:31,807 --> 00:01:34,247 - Nice? - It's lovely, yeah. 18 00:01:34,247 --> 00:01:37,866 - Hey, Leo. Happy birthday. - Hi, thanks. 19 00:01:38,166 --> 00:01:41,504 I've always wanted a surprise party but somehow it's never happened. 20 00:01:41,804 --> 00:01:43,762 It's probably because I'm waiting for it. 21 00:01:45,962 --> 00:01:47,882 I'm just going to the loo, OK? 22 00:01:50,810 --> 00:01:52,320 Mm! Guess who it isn't. 23 00:01:52,320 --> 00:01:57,638 - Ummm. Baby Spice? - Correct. Here, open it now. I can't wait. 24 00:01:57,638 --> 00:01:59,678 - I'll take that. - Oh, thanks. 25 00:02:02,157 --> 00:02:05,756 - Oh! - I paid for it. It may look like I didn't but I did. 26 00:02:05,756 --> 00:02:10,953 - That's great. It's your book! - It's too heavy, isn't it? - Throw it away. I don't mind. 27 00:02:10,953 --> 00:02:16,271 - I'll put it with the other pressies. - You'll enjoy it. I learned a lot. - Great. 28 00:02:19,710 --> 00:02:24,290 - Ange? Where's Darren? - I'm not going to tell you if you're going to give him a bad time. 29 00:02:24,290 --> 00:02:27,588 - I was just going to thank him. - You're such a terrible liar. 30 00:02:27,988 --> 00:02:30,270 Relax and have a good time. 31 00:02:31,270 --> 00:02:32,466 I bought you a present. You'll love it. 32 00:02:32,866 --> 00:02:33,905 See you in a minute. 33 00:02:35,905 --> 00:02:37,944 Hi, thanks for coming. 34 00:02:37,944 --> 00:02:40,830 How are you? Are you all right? Good to see you. 35 00:02:41,383 --> 00:02:44,241 Good to see you. Thanks for coming. I'll see you in a minute, OK? 36 00:02:47,301 --> 00:02:50,659 "This isn't so bad, actually. I got through the top floor in one piece." 37 00:02:53,659 --> 00:02:56,298 - Oh, hi there. How are you? - I'm fine. 38 00:02:58,570 --> 00:02:59,976 You've lost some weight, haven't you? 39 00:02:59,976 --> 00:03:02,735 - Are you coming down? - What are you up to? 40 00:03:02,735 --> 00:03:05,294 Well, you know, just keeping busy. 41 00:03:07,454 --> 00:03:09,930 Hi. How are you? Fine. 42 00:03:09,493 --> 00:03:11,932 "Wonder how Darren found half these people." 43 00:03:14,191 --> 00:03:15,310 See you in a minute. 44 00:03:19,170 --> 00:03:19,910 Hi! 45 00:03:20,210 --> 00:03:20,949 Hi. 46 00:03:21,249 --> 00:03:23,448 - I hope you don't mind my... - No. 47 00:03:24,448 --> 00:03:27,207 It takes a while to get used to it. Just check my look. 48 00:03:28,507 --> 00:03:31,850 - How are you? - Pretty good, pretty good. you know. 49 00:03:31,485 --> 00:03:33,364 I'm going to Thailand in a couple of weeks. 50 00:03:33,664 --> 00:03:36,400 Really? That's a long way. 51 00:03:36,404 --> 00:03:41,200 Yeah. Well, it's something I've been meaning to do for a long time. 52 00:03:42,721 --> 00:03:45,360 Anyway, happy birthday. 53 00:03:45,660 --> 00:03:46,800 Yeah, thanks. 54 00:03:47,800 --> 00:03:48,839 It's for Sal, somewhere. 55 00:03:51,318 --> 00:03:52,358 Happy birthday, Leo. 56 00:03:53,358 --> 00:03:54,970 Thanks. 57 00:03:55,397 --> 00:03:57,396 "Now I remember why I didn't want this." 58 00:03:59,715 --> 00:04:02,874 - Darren. - Hello, birthday boy. 59 00:04:02,874 --> 00:04:06,713 Listen, I asked the boys from downstairs and guess what? 60 00:04:06,713 --> 00:04:10,352 - It turns out they're brothers. - Hi. 61 00:04:11,391 --> 00:04:14,909 - I told you... I'll get him back in five minutes. - It was getting interesting. 62 00:04:17,509 --> 00:04:21,108 Darren. Darren, what were you thinking? This is all I need. 63 00:04:21,108 --> 00:04:25,146 I'm sorry, it's your birthday. I thought you might like it. 64 00:04:25,146 --> 00:04:27,905 There's absolutely no-one here that I want to see. 65 00:04:32,544 --> 00:04:35,463 Would you like me to send them all home? 66 00:04:37,220 --> 00:04:39,381 - It's too late for that now, isn't it? - Yes, it is. 67 00:04:41,381 --> 00:04:43,420 Have I done a bad thing? 68 00:04:46,998 --> 00:04:50,580 Come back to the party, little Leo. 69 00:04:52,770 --> 00:04:55,316 No. No. I'm going to stay here and watch telly. 70 00:04:56,255 --> 00:04:57,294 No-one will notice. 71 00:04:57,294 --> 00:05:03,334 SHOOTING ON TV 72 00:05:04,340 --> 00:05:06,520 I really thought you were making progress. 73 00:05:06,520 --> 00:05:10,890 I thought, "Marvellous. Leo's finally decided to live his life." 74 00:05:12,929 --> 00:05:13,969 Wrong again. 75 00:05:16,969 --> 00:05:18,800 Bye. 76 00:05:18,687 --> 00:05:19,727 Hm. 77 00:05:21,727 --> 00:05:27,765 "That's not fair. I WAS living my life. But things got very complicated." 78 00:05:49,957 --> 00:05:52,396 - OK, start with his age. - He's 35. 79 00:05:52,396 --> 00:05:54,515 Well preserved 37 at a pinch. 80 00:05:54,515 --> 00:05:59,953 - But gorgeous. - Wait for me. Can't a girl have a pee? It's a long ride from Heathrow. 81 00:06:00,953 --> 00:06:01,832 Here's your stuff. 82 00:06:01,832 --> 00:06:05,751 - Darren, bags, Leo cologne. - Thanks. 83 00:06:05,751 --> 00:06:09,700 - What have I missed? - Right, well, he's 35-ish. 84 00:06:09,700 --> 00:06:10,469 Um, we don't know if he's gorgeous. 85 00:06:12,469 --> 00:06:15,428 I'm not sure if gorgeous is the right word for him. 86 00:06:15,428 --> 00:06:17,467 He's more salty. 87 00:06:17,467 --> 00:06:19,386 I want to say rugged. 88 00:06:19,386 --> 00:06:21,865 Height? 6ft-ish. 89 00:06:21,865 --> 00:06:23,904 That's good. Job? 90 00:06:23,904 --> 00:06:24,784 Oh, yes. 91 00:06:24,784 --> 00:06:25,823 Morning, Jeremy. 92 00:06:26,823 --> 00:06:27,783 'He's an estate agent.' 93 00:06:29,783 --> 00:06:31,382 He's a what? 94 00:06:31,382 --> 00:06:36,540 - An estate agent. Sells houses. - Is this the guy who came round the other day? 95 00:06:36,540 --> 00:06:37,579 He might be. 96 00:06:39,579 --> 00:06:40,619 Mm. Lovely coffee. 97 00:06:42,938 --> 00:06:44,970 Jeremy Downey, Reynolds and Landon. 98 00:06:46,970 --> 00:06:49,695 Imagine him all neat and high class in his city suit. 99 00:06:49,695 --> 00:06:52,940 - Cuff links and brogues. - Sort of. 100 00:06:52,940 --> 00:06:56,530 And now, I want you to imagine all these seething animal passions 101 00:06:56,530 --> 00:07:03,900 just a fraction of an inch under the surface - about to erupt through the pie crust decorum. 102 00:07:04,900 --> 00:07:08,209 I'm afraid the place is in a mess from my grandchildren. 103 00:07:08,209 --> 00:07:12,847 - OK, I think we've got the picture. - Can we get to the smut, please. 104 00:07:12,847 --> 00:07:14,886 OK, getting there. 105 00:07:17,406 --> 00:07:19,365 What does an estate agent have access to? 106 00:07:21,365 --> 00:07:23,244 - Work it out. - Mm... 107 00:07:23,244 --> 00:07:25,482 - Photos of houses... - Plans... - Secretaries. 108 00:07:25,482 --> 00:07:28,562 - Pens... - Coffee mugs... 109 00:07:28,562 --> 00:07:30,410 I'll be needing these, of course. 110 00:07:31,410 --> 00:07:31,520 Oh? 111 00:07:33,520 --> 00:07:35,790 You can't expect me to sell the place without them. 112 00:07:37,790 --> 00:07:38,398 Darren, you slut. 113 00:07:38,398 --> 00:07:40,357 Well, how's he supposed to sell a house without them? 114 00:07:42,357 --> 00:07:44,556 I am switching estate agents. 115 00:07:44,556 --> 00:07:45,760 I don't blame you. 116 00:07:48,475 --> 00:07:49,514 Hello? 117 00:07:50,514 --> 00:07:51,730 Anyone home? 118 00:07:51,730 --> 00:07:53,113 Jeremy, we can't do this. 119 00:07:56,312 --> 00:07:57,351 No, this is all wrong. 120 00:07:57,711 --> 00:07:58,750 Hello? 121 00:08:05,629 --> 00:08:07,668 You sexy little thing. 122 00:08:14,306 --> 00:08:14,985 BELL RINGS 123 00:08:15,985 --> 00:08:18,464 No, no. I don't believe it. You're making this up. 124 00:08:18,464 --> 00:08:19,230 No, no, I'm not. 125 00:08:19,230 --> 00:08:22,183 Sit down, Leo. ..Go on, Darren. 126 00:08:22,183 --> 00:08:22,822 Hello? 127 00:08:29,781 --> 00:08:30,620 I can't go through with it. 128 00:08:30,620 --> 00:08:31,659 I'm going. 129 00:08:32,659 --> 00:08:33,698 Oh, no, you're not. 130 00:08:36,418 --> 00:08:39,856 I'm shocked. I'm sure you can go to prison for this sort of thing. 131 00:08:39,856 --> 00:08:43,150 - Leo, it's all right to be jealous. - I'm not. 132 00:08:45,550 --> 00:08:47,614 - Oh, yes, you are. - I am not jealous. 133 00:08:50,293 --> 00:08:52,292 If it's any consolation, I'm jealous, too. 134 00:08:54,292 --> 00:08:57,170 Listen to us. We're two attractive men in our prime. 135 00:08:57,250 --> 00:09:03,369 Why don't you and I ever hit the town together...? 136 00:09:03,369 --> 00:09:06,247 Because, Adam, we'd want to go to different places. 137 00:09:06,247 --> 00:09:06,727 Right. 138 00:09:10,686 --> 00:09:12,500 I just love women. Always have. 139 00:09:12,965 --> 00:09:14,400 It's the support you get. 140 00:09:17,400 --> 00:09:20,200 That's what I miss. I'm just crap at being single. 141 00:09:20,200 --> 00:09:23,441 Well, you've got your men's group. 142 00:09:23,441 --> 00:09:24,640 Put a sock in it. 143 00:09:24,640 --> 00:09:28,999 You've got your antlers to fall back on. 144 00:09:28,999 --> 00:09:30,780 You're gagging to come to my men's group. 145 00:09:32,780 --> 00:09:33,370 You're fascinated by it. 146 00:09:34,370 --> 00:09:40,555 All right, I'm fascinated. It's more at a wet dream level than wanting to join up. 147 00:09:40,555 --> 00:09:44,274 I envision you all ripping your clothes off and wrestling naked. 148 00:09:44,274 --> 00:09:49,752 We have never done that. Now you mention it, 149 00:09:49,752 --> 00:09:51,591 - it's not a bad idea. - That's exactly the kind of thing 150 00:09:51,591 --> 00:09:54,830 that would stop me from going. Wrestling naked. 151 00:09:54,830 --> 00:09:56,869 What if I got a hard-on? 152 00:09:57,869 --> 00:09:59,788 Well, it would add a whole new dynamic. 153 00:10:00,788 --> 00:10:01,827 It certainly would. 154 00:10:04,627 --> 00:10:06,660 Anyway, why be ashamed of what your body does? 155 00:10:09,660 --> 00:10:10,704 Also, the group could do with a bit of variety. 156 00:10:12,704 --> 00:10:17,620 You think my erections glow in the dark? That's how we find each other in parks at night? 157 00:10:17,620 --> 00:10:20,141 - Can I say one thing? - Yes. 158 00:10:21,141 --> 00:10:21,780 Good. 159 00:10:25,990 --> 00:10:28,218 I think it's an incredible time to be a guy. 160 00:10:28,218 --> 00:10:35,816 We have to get ready for the new century. We have to know who we are. I think you should come. 161 00:10:37,895 --> 00:10:38,934 No. 162 00:10:38,934 --> 00:10:39,174 BELL RINGS 163 00:10:45,572 --> 00:10:46,612 Hi. 164 00:10:52,250 --> 00:10:56,488 - Keith, this is Leo. - Hi. Pleased to meet you. 165 00:10:56,488 --> 00:10:59,367 - Hi. - Leo, this is Keith. 166 00:11:01,167 --> 00:11:03,206 Hi. Come on in. 167 00:11:11,163 --> 00:11:14,961 Sybil, I told you the men's group was going to use the Moroccan room. 168 00:11:14,961 --> 00:11:17,601 I cleared it with you. 169 00:11:17,601 --> 00:11:23,278 - So, you get the Moroccan room and the Tibetan singing bowl. - I booked the Tibetan singing bowl. 170 00:11:25,278 --> 00:11:26,677 I wasn't there when you did it. 171 00:11:28,677 --> 00:11:32,635 It never occurred to you my women's group might want the Moroccan room. 172 00:11:32,635 --> 00:11:35,954 We get the small little Inuit room. Because we're so small. 173 00:11:35,954 --> 00:11:39,593 Sybil, we'll talk about this later. 174 00:11:41,952 --> 00:11:46,110 I suppose you guys need that space for your gigantic penises. 175 00:11:47,110 --> 00:11:47,910 Correct. 176 00:11:53,748 --> 00:11:56,347 Everyone, this is Leo. 177 00:11:57,347 --> 00:11:58,386 Hi, hi. 178 00:11:59,706 --> 00:12:01,665 Leo, this is John. 179 00:12:02,665 --> 00:12:03,704 Pleased to meet you. 180 00:12:03,704 --> 00:12:06,783 Terry and Brendan who's Irish. 181 00:12:09,902 --> 00:12:18,139 So, Leo, we usually get new members to begin by telling us a history of yourself 182 00:12:19,139 --> 00:12:24,137 as a man. How do you feel about your maleness? Proud? 183 00:12:25,137 --> 00:12:26,736 Ashamed? 184 00:12:27,736 --> 00:12:28,856 Ambivalent? 185 00:12:29,856 --> 00:12:30,455 Er... 186 00:12:30,455 --> 00:12:31,135 Don't rush it. 187 00:12:31,135 --> 00:12:32,540 Just take your time. 188 00:12:35,773 --> 00:12:40,611 - We talked for hours and I told them all about my family and it was wonderful. - You amaze me. 189 00:12:40,611 --> 00:12:44,609 You talked about your emotional problems with a roomful of straight men? 190 00:12:45,609 --> 00:12:54,567 The experience of being male is common to gay and straight men. If you've got a dick, you're a man. 191 00:12:55,567 --> 00:12:56,406 - Isn't that right, Ange? - Tell me about it. 192 00:12:58,406 --> 00:13:01,364 - Make me something to eat and it's yours. - That's what we're talking about. 193 00:13:01,364 --> 00:13:07,442 - We're talking about maleness. - You didn't tell them you were gay, did you? 194 00:13:07,442 --> 00:13:09,100 Oh, God, you're such a separatist. 195 00:13:10,100 --> 00:13:12,360 He is. It's all bloody gay, gay, gay with him. 196 00:13:13,360 --> 00:13:15,279 Gay gym, gay restaurant... 197 00:13:15,279 --> 00:13:17,380 Gay life insurance. Don't forget that. 198 00:13:18,380 --> 00:13:19,917 I hope they're spunky, these straight men of yours. 199 00:13:22,917 --> 00:13:25,995 One's very nice, actually. And he's Irish. 200 00:13:26,995 --> 00:13:33,393 He's got this voice, it sort of washes over you like some dark powerful river. 201 00:13:34,393 --> 00:13:36,752 There's a good manly way of describing a man. 202 00:13:36,752 --> 00:13:39,710 Just ignore him. I think it sounds most therapeutic. 203 00:13:40,710 --> 00:13:41,309 Tell me more. 204 00:13:44,869 --> 00:13:45,668 Well, the good news is 205 00:13:45,668 --> 00:13:48,907 there are some signs of an upturn in the market. 206 00:13:48,907 --> 00:13:54,345 At least, there are signs that the rate at which it is falling is slowing down. 207 00:13:54,345 --> 00:13:58,104 That doesn't sound too hopeful. < I'll be frank with you, 208 00:13:58,104 --> 00:14:02,982 the fact that you're on a railway isn't going to help. 209 00:14:03,982 --> 00:14:06,541 I don't know. We rather like the trains. 210 00:14:08,541 --> 00:14:10,860 I appreciate the fact that YOU like the trains. 211 00:14:10,860 --> 00:14:13,738 But will your prospective purchaser? 212 00:14:14,738 --> 00:14:15,778 Here comes one now. 213 00:14:15,897 --> 00:14:29,160 TRAIN THUNDERS BY 214 00:14:29,413 --> 00:14:32,612 How will you sell this place with that racket? 215 00:14:32,612 --> 00:14:34,510 I can sell anything. 216 00:14:34,510 --> 00:14:35,491 Oh shit. 217 00:14:35,491 --> 00:14:36,250 What? 218 00:14:40,250 --> 00:14:41,289 Look at this. 219 00:14:42,289 --> 00:14:43,328 Made in Hong Kong. 220 00:14:43,328 --> 00:14:44,367 Most of them are. 221 00:14:53,845 --> 00:14:54,964 For fuck's sake. 222 00:14:54,964 --> 00:14:56,323 What's the matter? Vinyl. 223 00:14:58,323 --> 00:15:02,122 It's just a headboard. Don't stop now. I was just getting moist. 224 00:15:02,122 --> 00:15:05,160 That's textured bloody vinyl. This place is not right. 225 00:15:05,160 --> 00:15:07,279 This is British Home Stores. 226 00:15:07,279 --> 00:15:09,598 The decor doesn't bother me. 227 00:15:09,598 --> 00:15:12,637 This whole room... Look at this. 228 00:15:12,637 --> 00:15:15,956 She's lost her leg. KNOCKING 229 00:15:15,956 --> 00:15:18,350 What was that? Someone's at the door. Hide. 230 00:15:18,350 --> 00:15:19,355 Hide. 231 00:15:20,355 --> 00:15:24,353 30 per cent nylon. 70 per cent bleeding polyester. I'm getting out of here. 232 00:15:27,353 --> 00:15:28,752 I rather like a bit of polyester. 233 00:15:32,311 --> 00:15:36,949 Today, we're going to be passing around the honesty stone. 234 00:15:36,949 --> 00:15:41,627 - Oh, this is great. - This ritual comes from native American culture. 235 00:15:42,627 --> 00:15:45,386 The stone is passed round clockwise. 236 00:15:45,386 --> 00:15:51,544 If it's given to you, you have to speak with absolute honesty. 237 00:15:52,544 --> 00:15:54,463 about something which is on your mind. 238 00:15:54,463 --> 00:15:58,582 It's a liberating ritual. Don't think of it 239 00:15:58,582 --> 00:16:00,901 as a test. It's an opportunity. 240 00:16:00,901 --> 00:16:04,820 John, why don't you go first? 241 00:16:06,579 --> 00:16:10,857 I feel tense, you know... 242 00:16:11,857 --> 00:16:12,576 nervous. 243 00:16:12,576 --> 00:16:14,216 That's perfectly natural. 244 00:16:15,215 --> 00:16:18,535 Let the stone help you. Hold it. 245 00:16:18,974 --> 00:16:19,513 Hold it. 246 00:16:22,513 --> 00:16:25,120 Allow it to speak to you in its own way. 247 00:16:26,120 --> 00:16:30,610 Allow its energy to open the floodgates of your mind. 248 00:16:38,807 --> 00:16:41,460 I... I don't know what's wrong with me. I... 249 00:16:44,525 --> 00:16:45,565 I can't speak. 250 00:16:45,565 --> 00:16:46,924 Take your time. 251 00:16:49,803 --> 00:16:52,762 Er, I feel like there's this... 252 00:16:55,161 --> 00:16:57,201 blockage in my throat. 253 00:17:00,279 --> 00:17:01,790 G... 254 00:17:03,790 --> 00:17:04,678 Huuu.. 255 00:17:04,678 --> 00:17:08,477 John, let it happen. He's spontaneously rebirthing. 256 00:17:08,477 --> 00:17:13,275 - Ugggh... - Terry, place your hand under John's leg in a supportive and loving way. 257 00:17:14,275 --> 00:17:15,714 I'm going really faint. 258 00:17:15,714 --> 00:17:21,232 No, you are not going to faint. It's just your ego trying to protect itself. 259 00:17:24,232 --> 00:17:27,150 The b-blockage just moved down to my stomach. 260 00:17:27,150 --> 00:17:30,869 Leo, place your hand on John's stomach in a supportive and loving way. 261 00:17:31,869 --> 00:17:34,668 My knees, oh God, the pain. 262 00:17:34,668 --> 00:17:35,547 Adam, his knees. 263 00:17:37,547 --> 00:17:39,106 Let it all go, John. 264 00:17:39,106 --> 00:17:43,184 Let these strong, loving men heal you. 265 00:17:43,184 --> 00:17:45,144 Jesus Christ, the rage... 266 00:17:45,144 --> 00:17:48,742 If you want to shout and scream, shout and scream! 267 00:17:48,742 --> 00:17:52,341 Oh, my feet, my feet! 268 00:17:52,341 --> 00:17:54,610 Great. It's in your feet! 269 00:17:55,610 --> 00:18:00,258 John, try to imagine all the pain draining out of your feet 270 00:18:00,258 --> 00:18:05,177 into the nurturing earth. Into the life-giving sea. 271 00:18:05,177 --> 00:18:06,936 Aaah! 272 00:18:06,936 --> 00:18:09,975 < Aaah! 273 00:18:11,495 --> 00:18:17,652 And now we focus on the wide Arctic silence. 274 00:18:17,652 --> 00:18:20,692 < Aaah! 275 00:18:20,692 --> 00:18:22,851 < John, let it all out. 276 00:18:22,851 --> 00:18:25,610 < Aaah! 277 00:18:25,610 --> 00:18:26,249 Aaah! 278 00:18:29,249 --> 00:18:31,608 There's a terrible banging noise in my head. 279 00:18:32,447 --> 00:18:36,460 There's a constant banging noise. Oh, God. 280 00:18:36,460 --> 00:18:38,405 Make it go away. 281 00:18:40,405 --> 00:18:41,444 It's my father. 282 00:18:42,444 --> 00:18:43,483 My father. 283 00:18:45,203 --> 00:18:46,242 My father beat me. 284 00:18:48,641 --> 00:18:50,681 It's OK, John. It's OK. 285 00:18:52,920 --> 00:18:59,798 It's only now in the company of this group of... of men 286 00:19:00,557 --> 00:19:03,956 that I can finally face my grief. 287 00:19:05,236 --> 00:19:07,155 Why? Why? 288 00:19:11,113 --> 00:19:16,320 He died and I couldn't speak to him and I had so many questions to ask. 289 00:19:17,991 --> 00:19:18,731 Thank you, John. 290 00:19:19,310 --> 00:19:20,700 But why? 291 00:19:21,700 --> 00:19:23,109 Well done. Well done. 292 00:19:23,109 --> 00:19:24,148 Yeah, nice one, John, 293 00:19:24,148 --> 00:19:27,188 That was so illuminating. 294 00:19:29,188 --> 00:19:30,227 That was great. 295 00:19:30,227 --> 00:19:31,266 Cheers. 296 00:19:34,105 --> 00:19:37,864 - Right. - Is it me, next? 297 00:19:37,864 --> 00:19:38,224 'Fraid so. 298 00:19:42,620 --> 00:19:43,741 That's a pretty touch act to follow. 299 00:19:45,741 --> 00:19:47,781 It wasn't an act. 300 00:19:47,781 --> 00:19:49,140 Sorry, I didn't... 301 00:19:54,419 --> 00:19:55,458 Don't feel inhibited, Leo. 302 00:19:55,458 --> 00:20:00,776 It's the honesty stone. All you have to do is to be honest. 303 00:20:03,855 --> 00:20:05,774 I find a member of the group attractive. 304 00:20:07,174 --> 00:20:07,932 Who? 305 00:20:12,132 --> 00:20:12,992 Brendan. 306 00:20:17,850 --> 00:20:23,168 - Can I pass the stone on, now? - Can you tell us a bit more about your feelings for Brendan? 307 00:20:23,168 --> 00:20:27,287 Is the attraction spiritual? Emotional? 308 00:20:28,287 --> 00:20:30,125 Or physical? 309 00:20:30,125 --> 00:20:34,324 I'm not going to start hyperventilating or anything, am I? 310 00:20:34,324 --> 00:20:37,363 - Not unless you need to. - No. 311 00:20:39,322 --> 00:20:41,841 OK, well, I suppose on a spiritual level, 312 00:20:41,841 --> 00:20:47,999 I probably do have some affinity with Brendan. 313 00:20:48,999 --> 00:20:52,117 However, if I'm going to be completely honest about it, 314 00:20:54,117 --> 00:20:58,796 I have to say that there's a lot of sexual attraction there, too. 315 00:20:59,796 --> 00:21:00,915 - Er... - Great. 316 00:21:00,915 --> 00:21:04,633 Great. Go on. 317 00:21:04,633 --> 00:21:07,192 - What, you want me to go into details? - It's OK, Leo. 318 00:21:08,192 --> 00:21:09,151 I can take it, you know. 319 00:21:11,151 --> 00:21:14,830 What exactly is it about Brendan that turns you on, Leo? 320 00:21:14,830 --> 00:21:17,949 - Is there a particular body part? - Well, um... 321 00:21:20,468 --> 00:21:26,260 I would say what we've got here is a pretty hot package, really? 322 00:21:26,260 --> 00:21:27,365 From head to toe and... 323 00:21:27,365 --> 00:21:30,184 If Brendan were 324 00:21:30,184 --> 00:21:34,542 batting with the same team as me, as it were, then, yeah, I'd ask him out. 325 00:21:37,542 --> 00:21:38,901 Come on, guys, don't make me feel like a freak, 326 00:21:38,901 --> 00:21:44,979 I'm sure I'm not the only one who's noticed Brendan is a handsome man. 327 00:21:49,138 --> 00:21:50,180 He's all right. 328 00:21:55,560 --> 00:21:55,975 Christ. 329 00:21:56,175 --> 00:21:56,914 Er, Brendan... 330 00:21:59,574 --> 00:22:00,613 I just wanted to say... 331 00:22:03,253 --> 00:22:05,331 I'm sorry if I embarrassed you, you know. 332 00:22:05,331 --> 00:22:09,930 - No. - I guess I just got caught up... - Fine, you didn't embarrass me. 333 00:22:11,230 --> 00:22:12,969 Well, I think I did. 334 00:22:13,969 --> 00:22:17,967 Well, you know, it was a bit of a bombshell, yeah but... 335 00:22:20,567 --> 00:22:24,245 But actually, you know, I felt kind of flattered. 336 00:22:31,163 --> 00:22:31,902 - What? - Nothing. 337 00:22:32,102 --> 00:22:36,561 What? What? Did I say the wrong thing, or what? 338 00:23:36,561 --> 00:46:16,760 I guess, that... You know, I guess it sounded a bit patronising. 339 00:22:41,199 --> 00:22:42,239 - Did it? - Yeah, it did a bit. 340 00:22:42,239 --> 00:22:44,558 Well, Christ, well, pardon me. 341 00:22:44,558 --> 00:22:47,277 - No offence meant, you know. - It's OK. 342 00:22:51,196 --> 00:22:53,315 I'll see you next week, yeah? 343 00:22:56,754 --> 00:22:59,312 Look, I'm sorry. Do you want to go for a quick pint or something? 344 00:22:59,312 --> 00:23:05,951 You know... you know... I've got an early start in the morning. 345 00:23:07,700 --> 00:23:08,189 - You know. - Yeah, yeah, I know. 346 00:23:10,149 --> 00:23:11,680 - Next week, yeah? - Yeah, all right, then. 347 00:23:17,680 --> 00:23:20,866 THUNDER ROLLS 348 00:23:51,335 --> 00:23:51,974 Oh! 349 00:24:09,368 --> 00:24:10,408 The Rough Guide to Ireland. 350 00:24:11,408 --> 00:24:13,860 "Never has Ireland been so readily accessible." 351 00:24:17,525 --> 00:24:20,244 "Margaret Thatcher put the C back in Conservatism." That's it. 352 00:24:32,360 --> 00:24:33,399 That was great. 353 00:24:42,836 --> 00:24:44,876 Jeremy? Yeah? 354 00:24:46,155 --> 00:24:47,194 I've been thinking. 355 00:24:48,194 --> 00:24:49,234 Oh, yeah, about...? 356 00:24:52,233 --> 00:24:55,511 Do you think our relationship has an over-emphasis on the physical side? 357 00:24:56,211 --> 00:24:57,231 How do you mean? 358 00:24:58,231 --> 00:25:04,268 I'm probably being silly. I just think sometimes it might be nice if we maybe went out, or something. 359 00:25:05,268 --> 00:25:09,747 You know, lunch at Soho. Shopping? 360 00:25:10,246 --> 00:25:11,186 Don't be so soft. 361 00:25:13,286 --> 00:25:16,624 Our world shouldn't revolve around other people's empty houses. 362 00:25:18,224 --> 00:25:20,703 I want to show you off, you know. 363 00:25:23,902 --> 00:25:28,700 It was just a thought. Probably not a very profound one. 364 00:25:45,115 --> 00:25:45,954 Hi. 365 00:25:46,254 --> 00:25:48,233 Hi. .. All right, Adam? 366 00:25:48,233 --> 00:25:50,212 - How are you? - I'll get you for this. 367 00:25:51,212 --> 00:25:52,120 Sure, you will. 368 00:25:53,971 --> 00:25:56,330 - Thank you for that. - Well, 369 00:25:56,330 --> 00:25:58,369 that was very interesting. 370 00:25:59,369 --> 00:26:03,567 - Did you see how many slices of ham he put in your sandwich? - The normal amount. 371 00:26:04,567 --> 00:26:07,600 - He gave you a great big extra slice. - He didn't. 372 00:26:08,600 --> 00:26:11,450 Let me see. Come on. 373 00:26:11,685 --> 00:26:16,830 - Two slices. How many slices have you got? - Two SMALL slices. 374 00:26:17,830 --> 00:26:21,841 You have a row of pickled gherkin. I don't have a row of pickled gherkin. 375 00:26:21,841 --> 00:26:24,800 - I suppose that means something. - Certainly. It does. 376 00:26:26,200 --> 00:26:28,559 We straight men have this system of codes. 377 00:26:29,559 --> 00:26:33,277 A row of pickled gherkin is pretty serious. 378 00:26:33,277 --> 00:26:37,516 PHONE RINGS 379 00:26:37,556 --> 00:26:39,915 Hello? Oh, hold on a sec. 380 00:26:42,134 --> 00:26:42,973 Leo, it's for you. 381 00:26:45,273 --> 00:26:49,351 - Who is it? - I'm not sure but his voice washed over me like a dark, powerful river. 382 00:26:51,251 --> 00:26:51,871 Hello? 383 00:26:52,571 --> 00:26:53,710 Hi, Leo? 384 00:26:54,210 --> 00:26:57,849 It's Brendan. From the group. 385 00:26:57,949 --> 00:26:58,428 Hi, hi. 386 00:26:59,428 --> 00:27:02,587 I wanted to say sorry for being rude the other night. 387 00:27:02,987 --> 00:27:04,306 Were you rude? I didn't notice. 388 00:27:05,306 --> 00:27:08,984 'Well, you know, I was unfriendly and I feel bad about that. 389 00:27:09,984 --> 00:27:10,984 'I guess I just...' 390 00:27:11,984 --> 00:27:16,182 I don't know, I guess I just misinterpreted your invitation. 391 00:27:16,182 --> 00:27:20,301 'But I was thinking, I shouldn't be stand-offish.' 392 00:27:20,301 --> 00:27:20,940 Right, yeah. 393 00:27:23,240 --> 00:27:23,859 Sorry, I just... 394 00:27:25,259 --> 00:27:26,138 (I'll do that. It's all right.) 395 00:27:26,138 --> 00:27:28,177 Oh, great. 396 00:27:31,737 --> 00:27:36,535 I was wondering... I know a pub where they have real Guinness. 397 00:27:36,535 --> 00:27:42,930 I'm free tonight, so if you're not doing anything, you might want to go out. 398 00:27:42,930 --> 00:27:47,531 Right, just a minute. I'll just check if I'm free. 399 00:27:47,531 --> 00:27:49,850 Darren, are we going anywhere tonight? (Say no.) 400 00:27:50,150 --> 00:27:53,129 No. Not unless you want to go to that orgy... 401 00:27:53,129 --> 00:27:58,567 - Yeah, that'd be fine. - Yeah? Should I pick you up? 402 00:27:58,567 --> 00:28:02,586 - Pick me up. - What's the address? - Flat 5, 13 Old Street. 403 00:28:02,586 --> 00:28:05,844 Oh, yeah, I know. That's right off City Road, isn't it? 404 00:28:07,244 --> 00:28:08,524 What, eight-ish? 405 00:28:08,524 --> 00:28:10,300 OK, yeah, I'll see you then. Sure. 406 00:28:11,300 --> 00:28:13,420 Good, yeah, yeah, yeah. Bye. 407 00:28:14,420 --> 00:28:16,100 Ooooh! 408 00:28:18,120 --> 00:28:18,699 Eeeh, he-he. 409 00:28:22,399 --> 00:28:27,197 - You look sexy. Rub some compost on your face. Straight boys like that. - It's not a date. 410 00:28:27,197 --> 00:28:29,116 It's just a drink. Where are you going? 411 00:28:30,116 --> 00:28:31,155 I'm going to tell Ange. 412 00:28:34,750 --> 00:28:35,114 So, thanks for locking up. 413 00:28:37,473 --> 00:28:39,912 I like you in that jacket. You look all boyish. 414 00:28:41,212 --> 00:28:41,951 Thanks. 415 00:28:48,789 --> 00:28:49,829 I'll see you. 416 00:29:30,215 --> 00:29:34,254 THEY CHEER 417 00:29:39,212 --> 00:29:42,251 ECSTATIC GRUNTING 418 00:29:42,611 --> 00:29:44,810 OK, I'm trying to build a mental picture here. 419 00:29:45,510 --> 00:29:48,288 Did you have sex before or after table football. 420 00:29:48,288 --> 00:29:52,470 - Don't be naive, it was during. - We had a couple of pints. 421 00:29:52,470 --> 00:29:57,525 - Exchanged rings in a quiet ceremony. - No. We had a long chat 422 00:29:57,525 --> 00:29:59,644 - about his ex girlfriend. - He'll get over it. 423 00:30:02,563 --> 00:30:07,100 Look, we just want to be friends. Male bonding. Is that what they call it? 424 00:30:09,100 --> 00:30:10,680 - Do we have to watch this? - Yes, yes. 425 00:30:10,680 --> 00:30:14,879 MOANING This is for your benefit, actually. 426 00:30:14,879 --> 00:30:16,318 Think of it as a refresher course. 427 00:30:18,318 --> 00:30:18,958 That look familiar? 428 00:30:20,437 --> 00:30:23,596 - Does it? - Vaguely. - Good. 429 00:30:25,256 --> 00:30:25,995 You'll thank us later. 430 00:30:27,914 --> 00:30:29,954 Hello? Hi? 431 00:30:31,433 --> 00:30:33,832 Hello, Keith? It's Adam and Leo. 432 00:30:36,192 --> 00:30:36,791 Oh, hi. 433 00:30:36,791 --> 00:30:40,869 Hi, you guys, you're in the sauna tonight. They've already gone over. 434 00:30:43,869 --> 00:30:45,909 - It's this way. - Sauna? 435 00:30:45,909 --> 00:30:46,508 Yeah. 436 00:30:46,508 --> 00:30:47,547 What sauna? 437 00:30:48,547 --> 00:30:49,946 Sometimes we start with a sauna. 438 00:30:51,946 --> 00:30:53,505 - It's just relaxed. - Just a minute. 439 00:30:53,505 --> 00:30:58,224 - You expect ME to take my clothes off. - Leo, come on. 440 00:30:59,224 --> 00:31:00,263 I'm not taking my kit off. 441 00:31:01,263 --> 00:31:02,182 Well, I'm going to keep my pants on. OK? 442 00:31:03,182 --> 00:31:04,781 Yeah, if you want to. 443 00:31:16,138 --> 00:31:16,937 Well, who would have thought. 444 00:31:18,937 --> 00:31:19,876 Oh, God. 445 00:31:19,876 --> 00:31:20,775 < Get off. 446 00:31:21,775 --> 00:31:23,174 LEO THINKS Wonder how Leo's doing. 447 00:31:25,174 --> 00:31:27,933 Margaret Thatcher. In 1979 448 00:31:27,933 --> 00:31:31,491 Margaret Thatcher moves into 10 Downing Street after a Tory landslide. 449 00:31:37,170 --> 00:31:38,349 I want to share something with the group. 450 00:31:39,490 --> 00:31:40,880 ALL SPEAK Share with us. 451 00:31:46,527 --> 00:31:49,365 OK. Right. It all started when Leo 452 00:31:49,365 --> 00:31:52,924 was telling us about his feelings towards Brendan. 453 00:31:54,924 --> 00:31:55,923 I never heard anyone speak 454 00:31:55,923 --> 00:32:00,201 with such a refreshing directness about this particular taboo subject. 455 00:32:00,201 --> 00:32:02,241 < I didn't find it refreshing. 456 00:32:05,520 --> 00:32:07,599 This is the bit that's really hard to say. 457 00:32:13,197 --> 00:32:15,717 Yang, yang, yang... 458 00:32:15,717 --> 00:32:18,555 Terry, that's just a normal stone. 459 00:32:19,555 --> 00:32:23,434 John, would you pass Terry the harpoon, please? 460 00:32:24,134 --> 00:32:24,793 Sure. 461 00:32:30,751 --> 00:32:34,789 It's got a very different energy from the stone. Very male. 462 00:32:36,189 --> 00:32:36,829 Try. 463 00:32:44,586 --> 00:32:51,650 Yang. Yang. Yang. Yang. Yang. 464 00:31:28,650 --> 00:31:31,184 465 00:32:52,184 --> 00:32:54,223 So, I went home and I... 466 00:32:55,223 --> 00:32:56,222 meditated deeply on... 467 00:32:57,222 --> 00:32:59,261 on my sexuality. 468 00:33:00,161 --> 00:33:00,900 You know? 469 00:33:01,300 --> 00:33:04,858 I really want to push myself to the very limits of discovery. 470 00:33:05,258 --> 00:33:09,417 After I meditated, I knew what to do. 471 00:33:15,196 --> 00:33:15,975 What? 472 00:33:17,775 --> 00:33:19,614 I went to a newsagents and bought a magazine. 473 00:33:21,614 --> 00:33:24,920 - Tell us about the magazine, Terry. - It was a pornographic one. 474 00:33:25,920 --> 01:06:51,731 Yes? 475 00:33:27,811 --> 00:33:28,931 With pictures of men. 476 00:33:29,331 --> 00:33:30,190 Jesus Christ! 477 00:33:31,490 --> 00:33:33,369 Terry, you're doing well. 478 00:33:33,369 --> 00:33:35,288 Let the harpoon help. 479 00:33:35,288 --> 00:33:38,767 Well, after I bought the magazine, I took it home and read it. 480 00:33:38,767 --> 00:33:40,860 I looked at the pictures and... 481 00:33:43,860 --> 00:33:44,365 I had a wank. 482 00:33:47,884 --> 00:33:53,802 And how do you...feel about that now? 483 00:33:53,961 --> 00:33:55,100 I feel great. 484 00:33:58,100 --> 00:33:59,640 I feel fucking great. 485 00:33:59,640 --> 00:34:01,679 I feel as if I'm discovering 486 00:34:01,679 --> 00:34:04,238 a part of...of me 487 00:34:04,238 --> 00:34:06,797 that I never accepted before. 488 00:34:07,797 --> 00:34:10,796 I see. And are you going to be taking this any further? 489 00:34:13,235 --> 00:34:14,514 What do you mean, John? 490 00:34:14,514 --> 00:34:20,272 I mean it's bad enough I've got one in the sauna. No offence, Leo 491 00:34:20,272 --> 00:34:23,991 but, well, I'm just beginning to get a tad 492 00:34:23,991 --> 00:34:25,950 < concerned here. Oh, don't worry about it. 493 00:34:26,350 --> 00:34:28,308 It would have to be with someone I found remotely attractive. 494 00:34:37,226 --> 00:34:40,305 Do you know what my theory is on men right now? 495 00:34:41,105 --> 00:34:41,944 Go on, tell us. 496 00:34:42,344 --> 00:34:47,630 I think men don't feel received by women. 497 00:34:48,630 --> 00:34:51,661 There's so much suspicion between the sexes. 498 00:34:51,661 --> 00:34:55,780 Yeah, cos we've made such a mess of it as men, haven't we? 499 00:34:56,780 --> 00:34:58,590 Of course, I'm a great Jungian, aren't you? 500 00:35:00,590 --> 00:35:00,898 Yeah, yeah. 501 00:35:00,898 --> 00:35:04,960 Or at least I was. Then I thought what is all this bullshit? 502 00:35:05,960 --> 00:35:07,136 Masculine, feminine... 503 00:35:07,136 --> 00:35:10,214 Excuse me. Terry, could I...have a word? 504 00:35:11,114 --> 00:35:11,954 Back in a sec. 505 00:35:15,173 --> 00:35:16,592 - I mean, it's bullshit. - Yeah... 506 00:35:17,920 --> 00:35:19,531 I'm sure, you, as a gay man, feel much the same. 507 00:35:19,531 --> 00:35:21,100 Oh, God, yeah... 508 00:35:22,100 --> 00:35:25,489 - Of course, Jung was a complete pig with woman. - He was, yeah... 509 00:35:26,489 --> 00:35:30,768 - I'm boring you. - No, not at all. 510 00:35:37,145 --> 00:35:37,985 They're talking about you. 511 00:35:39,485 --> 00:35:44,843 - Are they? - The good-looking guy seems very pissed off with your friend. 512 00:35:44,843 --> 00:35:45,882 < Just a minute. Wait a sec. 513 00:35:46,882 --> 00:35:47,401 < Something...something... 514 00:35:48,401 --> 00:35:52,440 Break your nose. I'll break your fucking nose, matey. 515 00:35:52,440 --> 00:35:54,479 I love that word, matey. 516 00:35:54,479 --> 00:35:56,518 Are you lip-reading? 517 00:35:56,518 --> 00:36:00,197 - I used to work with the deaf. - Well, that's useful. 518 00:36:01,197 --> 00:36:03,356 - He's coming over. - You don't do mind-reading? 519 00:36:03,356 --> 00:36:07,554 I used to. But, believe me, it's usually best not to know. 520 00:36:09,554 --> 00:36:11,553 - I'm leaving now. - OK. - Do you want to come? 521 00:36:13,392 --> 00:36:16,751 Don't just stand there. Go on, live a little. 522 00:36:19,110 --> 00:36:20,150 - Bye. - Bye. 523 00:36:21,250 --> 00:36:25,628 < What's that word when someone likes you but can't admit it? < Denial. 524 00:36:27,628 --> 00:36:29,947 Fellas. Chaps, don't forget. Friday. 525 00:36:30,947 --> 00:36:32,785 1pm. Remember to bring your tents. 526 00:36:36,464 --> 00:36:39,863 What a very interesting group. 527 00:36:42,143 --> 00:36:42,902 Yes... 528 00:36:46,541 --> 00:36:49,580 My God. I thought that Terry was going to go on all night. 529 00:36:49,580 --> 00:36:51,619 What a wally, eh? 530 00:36:53,619 --> 00:36:56,217 Yeah, well, I guess it was important to him. 531 00:36:56,217 --> 00:37:01,895 Yes, yes, I know. But pushing himself to the limits of self-discovery indeed! 532 00:37:01,895 --> 00:37:07,453 - Never heard such bollocks in all my life. Next thing, he'll ask you out. - He can if he wants. 533 00:37:16,450 --> 00:37:21,848 So Brendan feels left out since Terry's found his homosexual side and he's not. 534 00:37:22,848 --> 00:37:23,528 I'm joining that group. 535 00:37:23,528 --> 00:37:26,767 Definitely. Wipe off my make-up. 536 00:37:26,767 --> 00:37:29,965 - Sock down your knickers. - False moustache. 537 00:37:33,124 --> 00:37:33,964 Three eights. 538 00:37:35,400 --> 00:37:37,102 Please play with me. She's cheating very much. 539 00:37:37,802 --> 00:37:42,761 - No, no. I'm going to bed. - Oh, night. - OK, night. - Night. > 540 00:37:42,761 --> 00:37:43,800 Come on, it's you. > 541 00:37:45,100 --> 00:37:45,960 One jack. 542 00:37:46,560 --> 00:37:47,159 Pathetic. 543 00:37:49,159 --> 00:37:50,638 Guys, 544 00:37:53,277 --> 00:37:55,516 what's the least sexy book you can think of? 545 00:37:56,116 --> 00:37:57,555 The least sexy book? 546 00:37:58,555 --> 00:38:00,314 What would you read last thing at night 547 00:38:00,314 --> 00:38:06,233 if you absolutely did not want to dream of sex with a gorgeous Irishman? 548 00:38:06,233 --> 00:38:09,831 Why not dream about sex with a gorgeous Irishman? 549 00:38:09,831 --> 00:38:11,870 The least sexy book is... 550 00:38:13,170 --> 00:38:14,429 Margaret Thatcher's biography. 551 00:38:15,129 --> 00:38:15,829 I've finished it. 552 00:38:17,229 --> 00:38:18,508 - Are you serious? - Yeah. 553 00:38:19,508 --> 00:38:21,467 Oh, I know. My bedside table. 554 00:38:21,467 --> 00:38:23,666 Read that book, you'll never think about sex. 555 00:38:36,982 --> 00:38:39,581 Oh, Mr Elton, it is too wildly vexing. 556 00:38:39,581 --> 00:38:43,259 Mother and I feel my brother will inherit Mansize Park 557 00:38:43,259 --> 00:38:48,778 and we shall have to live in West Kensington with one servant. 558 00:38:48,778 --> 00:38:51,160 Oh, how very vexing. But it is, I do declare. 559 00:38:52,160 --> 00:38:55,535 I need at least two servants to get me out of bed. 560 00:38:55,835 --> 00:38:58,774 Ah, tea. You will have a little dish, Mr Elton? 561 00:38:58,774 --> 00:39:03,120 Oh, please. I like a good caffeine rush before I write my Sunday sermon. 562 00:39:04,120 --> 00:39:08,650 Perhaps you should enter into a romantic alliance with that Mr Darcy? 563 00:39:08,650 --> 00:39:13,688 His endowments are the talk of Bedfordshire. But he is so proud, Mother. 564 00:39:13,688 --> 00:39:18,367 - And he eats dinner at six. - I - favour half past five. 565 00:39:18,367 --> 00:39:19,406 We could never marry. 566 00:39:20,406 --> 00:39:23,805 - ALL SPEAK Ah, Mr Darcy! - Ladies. 567 00:39:23,805 --> 00:39:26,724 You look a little flushed, Mr Darcy. Did you walk? 568 00:39:26,724 --> 00:39:31,842 Oh, no. I've been whipping the new stable boy. Thirsty work indeed, Miss Bennett. 569 00:39:34,142 --> 00:39:36,761 You, boy. Have you been whipped today? 570 00:39:37,261 --> 00:39:39,520 - Only once, my lord. - Only once? 571 00:39:39,520 --> 00:39:43,380 Servants must be whipped every hour. That is how they tell the time. 572 00:39:43,380 --> 00:39:46,236 Were it not for tea, we would be little more than savages. 573 00:39:49,236 --> 00:39:53,914 Indeed, madam. A dish of tea is a tremendous stiffener of the manly resolve. 574 00:39:54,914 --> 00:39:55,554 You. 575 00:39:55,954 --> 00:39:57,993 Meet me at the stables. 576 00:40:01,232 --> 00:40:03,791 Good day, ladies. 577 00:40:04,491 --> 00:40:05,990 Mr Darcy is somewhat haughty. 578 00:40:05,990 --> 00:40:09,349 But there can be no denying his penetration. 579 00:40:26,423 --> 00:40:28,942 - Hiya. - All right? 580 00:40:36,859 --> 00:40:38,178 Do you want some help with that? 581 00:40:41,658 --> 00:40:44,296 You need good firm ground for these tent pegs, eh? This is good. 582 00:40:47,456 --> 00:40:54,493 This afternoon, we shall be hunting and gathering for our evening meal. 583 00:40:55,493 --> 00:40:56,532 I've brought no food. 584 00:40:57,132 --> 00:40:58,572 So, if you can't find any... 585 00:40:58,572 --> 00:41:00,650 What do you mean, you've brought no food? 586 00:41:01,250 --> 00:41:03,290 I'm hyperglycaemic. 587 00:41:04,290 --> 00:41:05,609 I could die. 588 00:41:05,609 --> 00:41:07,528 You can handle that, John. 589 00:41:08,528 --> 00:41:11,487 Remember. You're a man. 590 00:41:13,646 --> 00:41:15,686 Who did this to you? 591 00:41:16,686 --> 00:41:18,445 Go on. Go on. 592 00:41:18,445 --> 00:41:19,840 What are you doing? 593 00:41:20,484 --> 00:41:23,830 Catch it, come on! Come on, get after it. 594 00:41:24,830 --> 00:41:26,482 Shit! What? 595 00:41:26,482 --> 00:41:29,800 This bush is alive, man. How am I going to get out? 596 00:41:31,800 --> 00:41:31,920 Just relax. 597 00:41:33,120 --> 00:41:36,238 Look, I'm bleeding. I'm bleeding. I could get tetanus. 598 00:41:36,238 --> 00:41:39,637 I'll have to go and get some help. 599 00:41:41,137 --> 00:41:41,796 Here. 600 00:41:42,796 --> 00:41:43,996 Have a berry. Piss off, Adam. 601 00:41:46,835 --> 00:41:48,394 Keith, Terry's stuck in a bush. 602 00:42:03,189 --> 00:42:04,690 Thank you, Keith. 603 00:42:08,227 --> 00:42:10,866 Guys, look what I've got. 604 00:42:10,866 --> 00:42:11,705 - God, what have you got? - A liquorice root. 605 00:42:11,705 --> 00:42:17,230 - No nutritional value but you suck it and it has a nice flavour. - Look, I'm going to die! 606 00:42:20,230 --> 00:42:21,220 Doesn't anyone care? 607 00:42:23,220 --> 00:42:24,620 My God, I feel dizzy. 608 00:42:24,620 --> 00:42:25,101 Help! 609 00:42:25,101 --> 00:42:27,660 TELEPHONE RINGS 610 00:42:27,660 --> 00:42:28,540 One Way Takeaway. 611 00:42:28,540 --> 00:42:31,978 - KEITH: - 'Hello. Can we have some king prawns, please?' 612 00:42:31,978 --> 00:42:36,137 - 'Six...' 'Prawns for...' - 'Two king...' 613 00:42:38,137 --> 00:42:38,936 Are you done with that? 614 00:42:43,540 --> 00:42:51,930 THEY SCREAM AND SHOUT 615 00:42:55,210 --> 00:42:55,750 Leo. 616 00:42:57,250 --> 00:42:59,689 It's me, Brendan. Can I come in? 617 00:43:00,689 --> 00:43:01,728 Yeah. Yeah, sure. 618 00:43:04,870 --> 00:43:05,126 - Hi. - Hi. 619 00:43:05,126 --> 00:43:07,166 It's a bit cramped. 620 00:43:14,444 --> 00:43:15,483 I brought you something. 621 00:43:16,483 --> 00:43:17,522 Don't tell the others, OK? 622 00:43:19,522 --> 00:43:21,401 - It's poteen. - Poteen, what's that? 623 00:43:21,401 --> 00:43:22,440 It's like a hooch, you know? 624 00:43:23,440 --> 00:43:24,480 You make it yourself. 625 00:43:24,480 --> 00:43:28,838 Go on, try some. It'll put hairs on your back. 626 00:43:29,838 --> 00:43:31,117 'All those stars. Makes you think.' 627 00:43:33,117 --> 00:43:35,116 We're so fucking... 628 00:43:38,116 --> 00:43:38,875 small. 629 00:43:41,275 --> 00:43:42,114 Like ants, really. 630 00:43:45,473 --> 00:43:47,992 We're just a bunch of fucking ants 631 00:43:47,992 --> 00:43:50,710 creeping about on the surface of this... 632 00:43:54,130 --> 00:43:54,769 ..world. 633 00:43:58,208 --> 00:43:58,747 Eh, Terry? 634 00:44:01,907 --> 00:44:04,346 Sorry, John, I didn't hear a word. 635 00:44:06,105 --> 00:44:07,145 All those stars. 636 00:44:09,145 --> 00:44:09,864 Makes you think. 637 00:44:15,122 --> 00:44:15,861 God. 638 00:44:17,261 --> 00:44:17,901 The trauma... 639 00:44:20,101 --> 00:44:20,940 Wild... 640 00:44:25,779 --> 00:44:26,818 You know what? 641 00:44:28,818 --> 00:44:30,177 I think I could get quite into all this stuff. 642 00:44:32,177 --> 00:44:32,516 Mmm... 643 00:44:37,292 --> 00:44:45,332 RUSTLING 644 00:44:45,332 --> 00:44:46,371 What the hell was that? 645 00:44:46,371 --> 00:44:47,410 I don't know. 646 00:44:52,569 --> 00:44:55,568 - Jesus Christ! - Get it! Get it! 647 00:44:55,568 --> 00:44:58,526 - What the fucking hell is that? - You've got to get it! - You go. 648 00:44:58,526 --> 00:45:02,365 - You're on top of me, get it! - Go on, shoo! 649 00:43:12,365 --> 00:43:14,405 650 00:43:24,641 --> 00:43:26,680 651 00:45:24,138 --> 00:45:24,877 Over to you. 652 00:45:25,477 --> 00:45:28,356 What do we feel this weekend? 653 00:45:29,156 --> 00:45:29,795 As men? 654 00:45:33,135 --> 00:45:33,774 Anyone? 655 00:45:36,674 --> 00:45:37,713 Don't be so British. 656 00:45:38,213 --> 00:45:40,792 You have to learn to share your feelings. 657 00:45:42,791 --> 01:30:27,622 Always share. 658 00:45:46,831 --> 00:45:48,709 I think Brendan's got something he wishes to share. 659 00:45:49,109 --> 00:45:49,748 Brendan? 660 00:45:51,748 --> 00:45:53,827 I don't know... I had a really great time. 661 00:45:54,827 --> 00:45:56,946 Yeah, but aren't you going to share it with us, Brendan? 662 00:45:58,946 --> 00:46:01,224 That was it, Terry. That was my sharing. 663 00:46:01,224 --> 00:46:03,584 No, no, Brendan. That was shit. 664 00:46:03,584 --> 00:46:06,383 You slept with Leo, didn't you? 665 00:46:07,383 --> 00:46:08,422 Did you enjoy that? 666 00:46:09,422 --> 00:46:13,820 - What's it to do with you? - Was he good? Did you let him fuck you? 667 00:46:13,820 --> 00:46:17,698 - Sounded like someone was being fucked. - How dare you, you little prick! 668 00:46:19,698 --> 00:46:21,458 - Come on, then. - Get off me! 669 00:46:21,458 --> 00:46:22,497 - Get off! - Leave them. 670 00:46:26,960 --> 00:46:28,955 That was the best Wild Man Weekend ever. 671 00:46:28,955 --> 00:46:31,334 Bloody noses. That's excellent. 672 00:46:31,334 --> 00:46:36,612 Terry, would you like to stop at a hospital to get it re-set? 673 00:46:36,612 --> 00:46:38,811 No, thanks. I'll do it myself. 674 00:46:38,811 --> 00:46:40,851 ADAM Go on. Hug each other. 675 00:46:40,851 --> 00:46:44,890 No. I'm not ready for that, Adam. 676 00:46:44,890 --> 00:46:47,728 Oh, incidentally, Leo and Brendan, 677 00:46:47,728 --> 00:46:49,768 I think it's really great 678 00:46:49,768 --> 00:46:50,947 that you two have got it together. 679 00:46:54,446 --> 00:46:55,566 Brendan, are you listening? 680 00:46:57,566 --> 00:46:59,604 If I could have one wish, it would be 681 00:46:59,604 --> 00:47:01,763 for you to be gay, but I don't think you are. 682 00:47:03,463 --> 00:47:04,122 And that's OK. OK? 683 00:47:10,520 --> 00:47:11,720 What's that supposed to mean? 684 00:47:12,720 --> 00:47:14,359 Have you changed your mind about me? 685 00:47:16,359 --> 00:47:17,238 No. No, that's not what I meant. 686 00:47:19,238 --> 00:47:19,877 What, then? 687 00:47:24,316 --> 00:47:27,634 How can you have been happily seeing women for the past... 688 00:47:29,313 --> 00:47:31,353 ..the past 15 years or so 689 00:47:31,353 --> 00:47:34,912 and not be straight? Huh? 690 00:47:35,512 --> 00:47:37,911 I thought I was straight, OK? 691 00:47:39,550 --> 00:47:43,468 - What, then you meet me and you have this blinding revelation? - Yeah. 692 00:47:44,468 --> 00:47:48,587 OK, I don't look a certain way and we didn't meet in a bar. 693 00:47:48,587 --> 00:47:50,145 Or would you have preferred it if we had? 694 00:47:53,145 --> 00:47:56,544 - I think maybe you have one or two prejudices yourself. - Really? 695 00:47:59,303 --> 00:48:00,342 Let me ask YOU something. 696 00:48:01,822 --> 00:48:05,101 Have you ever had a relationship with a woman? 697 00:48:05,101 --> 00:48:09,699 - A very good question. - Thank you. - Piss off, John. 698 00:48:10,699 --> 00:48:12,180 Leo. Brendan may have a point. 699 00:48:14,180 --> 00:48:16,937 Maybe we should help you to explore it. 700 00:48:17,937 --> 00:48:20,696 I do think Keith is right, Leo. 701 00:48:21,296 --> 00:48:21,975 Do you? 702 00:48:24,194 --> 00:48:25,530 We're only trying to help you, Leo. 703 00:46:28,530 --> 00:46:30,930 704 00:48:28,930 --> 00:48:30,251 JOHN: - It's nothing to be ashamed of. BRENDAN: - Come on, Leo. 705 00:48:32,251 --> 00:48:33,651 So was that a fair question to ask 706 00:48:34,251 --> 00:48:40,608 in front of a whole bus-load of hairy-chested drum-beating rough men? 707 00:48:42,128 --> 00:48:44,470 Well, he's probably just fascinated. 708 00:48:45,470 --> 00:48:47,405 Well, if he wants to be bisexual, that's fine. 709 00:48:47,405 --> 00:48:51,444 - Just don't drag me into it. - Oh, Leo, relax. 710 00:48:51,444 --> 00:48:54,283 You're quite right to choose men. Women are complicated. 711 00:48:55,283 --> 00:48:58,681 Men are kind of pathetic but at least you know where you are. 712 00:49:04,140 --> 00:49:04,760 Look. 713 00:49:07,360 --> 00:49:08,719 I'm an attractive woman. 714 00:49:08,719 --> 00:49:10,478 I'm standing here in my bra and panties. 715 00:49:10,478 --> 00:49:15,760 We're in my bedroom. Any straight guy would have jumped on me by now. 716 00:49:15,760 --> 00:49:18,155 Maybe I'm just polite. 717 00:49:20,114 --> 00:49:20,754 What are you doing? 718 00:49:23,154 --> 00:49:23,793 Feel anything? 719 00:49:25,193 --> 00:49:25,832 No. 720 00:49:26,332 --> 00:49:28,871 How about that? THEY LAUGH 721 00:49:28,871 --> 00:49:31,430 - Get off, that makes it worse! - Good. 722 00:49:31,430 --> 00:49:36,829 Oh, Leo, I love you the way you are. I don't want you to change. 723 00:49:36,829 --> 00:49:39,868 You're like my spy in the enemy camp. 724 00:49:39,868 --> 00:49:43,746 You can tell me all those little weird male secrets. 725 00:49:45,386 --> 00:49:47,505 I think I should just shut up. 726 00:49:47,505 --> 00:49:52,703 Far too much drumming has released some sort of wild man. 727 00:49:54,103 --> 00:49:54,742 OK. OK. 728 00:49:55,142 --> 00:49:56,781 Let me ask you one question. 729 00:49:56,781 --> 00:50:02,339 If this Brendan were to turn up on your doorstep intent on making passionate love to you, 730 00:50:03,739 --> 00:50:05,580 would that wild man be heterosexual? 731 00:50:08,580 --> 00:50:10,970 BOTH SPEAK Ummm... 732 00:50:10,970 --> 01:40:21,826 No. 733 00:50:59,790 --> 00:51:01,479 - Morning, Darren. - Good morning. 734 00:51:02,558 --> 00:51:07,197 You know, I just had the most amazingly vivid dream. 735 00:51:07,197 --> 00:51:10,795 No, it wasn't a dream. He's just made breakfast. 736 00:51:10,795 --> 00:51:11,534 Leo. 737 00:51:13,834 --> 00:51:16,593 - Darren. - Thank you. 738 00:51:17,193 --> 00:51:18,133 Bon appetit, gentlemen. 739 00:51:19,133 --> 00:51:19,972 Darren, could I...? 740 00:51:19,972 --> 00:51:22,711 - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Thanks. 741 00:51:33,907 --> 00:51:36,306 What else do you want? He's gorgeous and he made breakfast. 742 00:51:38,306 --> 00:51:39,705 I mean, the man is on the rebound. 743 00:51:40,405 --> 00:51:42,144 From women in general. 744 00:51:42,144 --> 00:51:44,143 He wants me because I'm not a woman. 745 00:51:44,143 --> 00:51:50,501 - Seems a good reason to want someone. - But it's a negative reason. He wants me 746 00:51:50,501 --> 00:51:52,180 for what I'm not. Not for what I am. 747 00:51:56,379 --> 00:51:56,919 Any good in bed? 748 00:51:58,219 --> 00:52:01,257 - Well, yeah, yeah, he was, but... - Well, then, keep him. 749 00:52:01,257 --> 00:52:05,455 - Darren, you know what my biggest nightmare is. - Falling in love with a straight man. - Yes. 750 00:52:08,455 --> 00:52:10,414 Leo, all relationships end. 751 00:52:10,414 --> 00:52:12,253 You either split up or one of you dies. 752 00:52:12,253 --> 00:52:15,293 So why not enjoy it? 753 00:52:16,293 --> 00:52:19,251 You've got a nice bit of crumpet. Make the most of it. 754 00:52:19,251 --> 00:52:22,290 Darren, why do I have such a complicated 755 00:52:22,290 --> 00:52:26,408 - sex life? - Because you give out complicated vibrations. 756 00:52:27,408 --> 00:52:31,687 Simplify your vibrations. Your sex life simplifies itself. 757 00:52:32,187 --> 00:52:32,946 That's very wise. 758 00:52:33,846 --> 00:52:38,524 Honestly, Leo, you know your trouble. You always want guarantees. 759 00:52:38,524 --> 00:52:41,963 - Doesn't everyone? - No. No, they don't. 760 00:52:41,963 --> 00:52:48,481 So you let the first guy you slept with in ages leave without knowing when you'll see him again. 761 00:52:59,557 --> 00:53:01,436 - Hi. - I just wanted to give you this. 762 00:53:06,835 --> 00:53:07,874 - Your number? - Yeah. 763 00:53:09,153 --> 00:53:11,193 I called you, remember? 764 00:53:12,112 --> 00:53:12,951 Yes. 765 00:53:17,151 --> 00:53:18,590 Well, do you want mine? 766 00:53:19,590 --> 00:53:20,630 Yeah, yeah... 767 00:53:21,989 --> 00:53:24,280 Have you got a...pen? 768 00:53:25,908 --> 00:53:28,107 - Oh. Thanks. - Thanks. 769 00:53:29,107 --> 00:53:29,946 Here, give us your hand. 770 00:53:38,623 --> 00:53:39,663 - Thanks for the pen. - Cheers. 771 00:53:41,822 --> 00:53:43,261 - See you. - See you. 772 00:53:44,161 --> 00:53:44,921 I'll call you. 773 00:53:47,821 --> 00:53:51,899 I particularly liked the way it managed to be gently ironic 774 00:53:51,899 --> 00:53:54,970 without descending into an out-and-out cynicism. You? 775 00:53:55,970 --> 00:53:56,136 I'm not so sure. You know. 776 00:53:56,136 --> 00:54:02,894 I mean, satire is one thing and pastiche quite another. I thought it was pastiche. 777 00:54:03,394 --> 00:54:07,733 - I thought it was more lampoon than pastiche. - What? Surely? What? 778 00:54:07,733 --> 00:54:11,531 Lampoon IS satire, Brendan. They're the same thing. 779 00:54:11,531 --> 00:54:15,850 Pope is lampoon, Swift is satire. Quite a different thing. 780 00:54:21,368 --> 00:54:22,408 You're such a clever boy. 781 00:54:24,108 --> 00:54:24,927 Come on, bed. 782 00:54:24,927 --> 00:54:26,406 Yes, I'm kind of sleepy, you know. 783 00:54:27,406 --> 00:54:28,445 - All right? - All right. 784 00:54:30,445 --> 00:54:32,764 - Who was that? - I don't know. 785 00:54:33,724 --> 00:54:36,643 Anyway, bed. Come on. In your pyjamas. 786 00:54:36,643 --> 00:54:38,762 BRENDAN LAUGHS - Get in here. 787 00:54:48,918 --> 00:54:52,477 - You don't really envy straight people like that, do you? - Yes. 788 00:54:53,477 --> 00:54:54,516 Yeah, sometimes. 789 00:54:58,155 --> 00:54:58,995 You know, 790 00:55:00,195 --> 00:55:02,753 a lot of straight couples stay together for the wrong reasons. 791 00:55:05,172 --> 00:55:05,912 Kids... 792 00:55:08,112 --> 00:55:08,951 Mortgage... 793 00:55:12,510 --> 00:55:14,189 - It all turns into a trap. - Yeah. 794 00:55:17,948 --> 00:55:20,707 Maybe they're lucky to be tied together like that. 795 00:55:23,786 --> 00:55:26,865 I mean, when you're gay, 796 00:55:28,424 --> 00:55:32,822 you don't always have those things so it's easier just to give up and not see it through. 797 00:55:35,822 --> 00:55:38,381 Well, maybe we're not made for it, eh? 798 00:55:40,140 --> 00:55:41,179 Not made for what? 799 00:55:43,179 --> 00:55:43,918 Monogamy. 800 00:55:50,297 --> 00:55:54,336 PHONE RINGS 801 00:55:54,336 --> 00:55:54,995 Hello. 802 00:55:56,215 --> 00:55:57,494 Hi, is Brendan there, please? 803 00:55:58,494 --> 00:56:00,933 Um...no, he's a bit busy right now. 804 00:56:00,933 --> 00:56:03,520 'Can I take a message?' No. No message. 805 00:56:05,520 --> 00:56:06,910 OK. Bye. 806 00:56:07,910 --> 00:56:09,250 It wasn't for you. It was for Leo's boyfriend. 807 00:56:10,150 --> 00:56:10,989 Back. 808 00:56:11,189 --> 00:56:11,928 Leo, 809 00:56:15,648 --> 00:56:18,367 I've just come out of a long relationship. 810 00:56:19,806 --> 00:56:22,500 The last thing I want to do right now is start another one. 811 00:56:28,443 --> 00:56:29,642 So what's this? 812 00:56:32,961 --> 00:56:34,920 Well, I don't know what this is. 813 00:56:52,834 --> 00:56:57,952 My husband's a bit of a DIY fanatic. Aren't you, Desmond? 814 00:56:57,952 --> 00:57:03,591 No expense spared. You know, as my Auntie Maureen always says, 815 00:57:03,591 --> 00:57:06,910 "You buy cheap, you buy twice." 816 00:57:06,910 --> 00:57:09,789 Yes. I think we have to... 817 00:57:09,789 --> 00:57:13,467 - ... pass on this property. - Oh, why ever's that? 818 00:57:13,467 --> 00:57:18,666 It's not the sort of property that we're good at selling. 819 00:57:18,666 --> 00:57:19,985 < Oh, that's a disappointment. 820 00:57:19,985 --> 00:57:24,263 My word. That is rather a lovely table. 821 00:57:24,263 --> 00:57:26,743 < My husband made it. 822 00:57:28,662 --> 00:57:31,980 It's adjustable. And you can make it any height you want. 823 00:57:33,980 --> 00:57:38,178 Yes. So it's useful for a variety of purposes. 824 00:57:40,498 --> 00:57:41,977 I'll have to check with the office 825 00:57:41,977 --> 00:57:47,375 - but I think we might be able to squeeze you onto our list. - Oh, I say. 826 00:57:51,294 --> 00:57:53,413 - 200 Marlboro. - Lights. 827 00:57:53,413 --> 00:57:56,492 - Not the 100s. - And one small atomiser of Givenchy Gentleman. 828 00:57:58,192 --> 00:57:59,131 Al right, Al right. 829 00:57:59,131 --> 00:58:02,410 BUZZER SOUNDS - Shall I get it? - Yeah, thanks. 830 00:58:03,410 --> 00:58:06,128 - Is it about the flat? - No, it's the fashion police coming to get you. 831 00:58:07,128 --> 00:58:10,406 - Well, you'd better get it, cos I don't want to get arrested. - Al right. 832 00:58:12,406 --> 00:58:14,726 I'm really sorry to bother you. 833 00:58:15,726 --> 00:58:16,924 - My name's Sally. It must seem very... - Sally...? 834 00:58:18,124 --> 00:58:18,964 It's me. 835 00:58:18,964 --> 00:58:22,723 - It's Leo. - Oh, my God. 836 00:58:23,962 --> 00:58:24,901 Oh, my God! 837 00:58:31,240 --> 00:58:32,479 - You look great. - It's so weird. 838 00:58:32,479 --> 00:58:34,518 This is Sally. 839 00:58:35,518 --> 00:58:38,197 She was my teenage sweetheart. 840 00:58:38,197 --> 00:58:40,157 - Can you believe that? - No I can't. 841 00:58:40,157 --> 00:58:43,995 - This is Darren, he's my lovely flatmate. This is Ange. - Hi. 842 00:58:43,995 --> 00:58:48,730 - Can't stop, I have a flight to catch. Really nice to meet you. Bye. - Bye. 843 00:58:50,730 --> 00:58:51,113 Right. This is it. 844 00:58:51,113 --> 00:58:52,432 This is beautiful. 845 00:58:52,432 --> 00:58:54,111 Come on, I'll show you around. 846 00:58:57,111 --> 00:58:58,150 This is the dining room... 847 00:58:58,150 --> 00:59:01,469 Shops just round the corner. It's fine really. 848 00:59:01,469 --> 00:59:03,948 Leo, I didn't come about the flat. 849 00:59:04,948 --> 00:59:06,987 I came because that woman, 850 00:59:07,987 --> 00:59:08,726 Angie, 851 00:59:10,260 --> 00:59:11,660 she's seeing my boyfriend. 852 00:59:12,265 --> 00:59:15,104 - Angie! - No, it's OK, Leo. 853 00:59:15,104 --> 00:59:17,663 - I'm dealing with it. - OK, shove up. 854 00:59:18,663 --> 00:59:21,222 Let's get to the bottom of this. We know her type. 855 00:59:22,222 --> 00:59:27,779 - So describe your boyfriend and we'll tell you if she's bonking him. - Darren! - I'm trying to help. 856 00:59:30,139 --> 00:59:32,580 - Is he tall or short? - Tall. 857 00:59:33,580 --> 00:59:35,377 - Dark or blond? - Dark. 858 00:59:35,377 --> 00:59:39,960 Mmm. English or foreign? 859 00:59:39,960 --> 00:59:40,295 Irish. 860 00:59:40,295 --> 00:59:45,734 - Sounds a bit ominous. Likes an accent, Ange. - Still doesn't sound 861 00:59:45,734 --> 00:59:47,973 - like her. - Here's the decider. 862 00:59:47,973 --> 00:59:50,732 Is he smooth or hairy? 863 00:59:53,451 --> 00:59:56,490 - Pretty hairy. - Definitely not. - No. 864 00:59:56,490 --> 01:00:02,367 - You don't think so? - No, it's highly unlikely. So what's his name? What does he do? 865 01:00:03,367 --> 01:00:04,647 His name is Brendan. We run a cafe. 866 01:00:05,647 --> 01:00:10,684 Brendan? Not Brendan with the dark eyes and permanent five o'clock shadow? 867 01:00:12,184 --> 01:00:12,964 Yes. 868 01:00:14,264 --> 01:00:15,963 I know him! 869 01:00:15,963 --> 01:00:18,882 - You do? - Yes. He comes to my men's group. 870 01:00:18,882 --> 01:00:20,161 Your men's group? 871 01:00:20,161 --> 01:00:26,519 Leo's very sniffy about it. Makes me keep my tribal drums under the stairs. He's very closed. 872 01:00:26,519 --> 01:00:28,398 Isn't that in Chiswick? 873 01:00:28,398 --> 01:00:33,517 No, that's where our hot tub nights are. He's my star pupil. 874 01:00:33,517 --> 01:00:39,174 He's come on in leaps and bounds. Opened up like a flower. Last week he shared THE most 875 01:00:39,174 --> 01:00:41,713 lurid masturbation fantasy I've ever heard. 876 01:00:43,713 --> 01:00:45,792 Will you tell him I want my wolf pelt back? 877 01:00:55,269 --> 01:00:57,308 Thank you for doing this. 878 01:00:59,987 --> 01:01:01,146 I don't think I could have done it on my own. 879 01:01:01,146 --> 01:01:06,250 I know they're just things but psychologically... 880 01:01:12,183 --> 01:01:18,900 - I should have packed up Brendan's things long ago but it's hard to do it on your own. - Sally... 881 01:01:21,100 --> 01:01:21,939 Look. 882 01:01:22,539 --> 01:01:26,580 If I'd done something bad, unintentionally, 883 01:01:28,580 --> 01:01:29,577 would you forgive me? 884 01:01:30,577 --> 01:01:31,576 What sort of bad? 885 01:01:32,276 --> 01:01:32,915 Well... 886 01:01:34,150 --> 01:01:38,894 Well, say, you were...going to buy a house, right? 887 01:01:38,894 --> 01:01:43,812 And I sort of gazumped you without knowing it was you 888 01:01:43,812 --> 01:01:47,770 and then you found out that it was me... 889 01:01:50,170 --> 01:01:52,649 That would be OK. 890 01:01:53,149 --> 01:01:53,988 Yeah? 891 01:01:56,127 --> 01:01:58,526 - Yeah. - OK. 892 01:01:59,126 --> 01:01:59,925 'You mean to tell me,' 893 01:02:01,525 --> 01:02:06,484 you stood there in my room, in my house, 894 01:02:06,484 --> 01:02:08,243 packing up MY things? 895 01:02:09,243 --> 01:02:11,802 Yeah. I'm sorry, OK? 896 01:02:13,321 --> 01:02:16,240 - But she asked me, she just wanted support. - Great! 897 01:02:18,320 --> 01:02:21,198 Can you just for a second imagine how I feel about this? 898 01:02:21,198 --> 01:02:28,916 You're not the only one in shock. She's one of my oldest friends and I ruined her life. 899 01:02:28,916 --> 01:02:29,975 Hold on. 900 01:02:30,675 --> 01:02:33,114 Our splitting-up has got nothing to do with you. 901 01:02:34,114 --> 01:02:37,513 Yeah, and she says it's a trial separation, 902 01:02:37,513 --> 01:02:40,312 and you say you've split up. Which is it? 903 01:02:40,312 --> 01:02:42,871 It is the same thing. 904 01:02:42,871 --> 01:02:43,751 No, it's not. 905 01:02:43,751 --> 01:02:47,109 One means you may get back together, the other doesn't. 906 01:02:47,109 --> 01:02:50,468 It's got nothing to do with you anyway. 907 01:00:15,468 --> 01:00:16,828 908 01:02:51,828 --> 01:02:56,946 No, it's just a difference between you being available and not available. 909 01:02:56,946 --> 01:02:58,225 Oh, for God's sake! Leo... 910 01:02:58,225 --> 01:03:01,264 I know all about love and commitment. 911 01:03:02,264 --> 01:03:04,583 I was with Sal for seven years, 912 01:03:04,583 --> 01:03:06,341 - which is a sight longer than you were with whatshisname. - Don't! 913 01:03:11,541 --> 01:03:12,580 OK, fine. 914 01:03:15,939 --> 01:03:16,978 Just... 915 01:03:19,980 --> 01:03:22,537 Just don't tell me I don't know about commitment. 916 01:03:23,237 --> 01:03:23,956 OK. 917 01:03:27,135 --> 01:03:34,132 - Oh, God, why did you have to do this? - What? - Spoil everything, with all this...thinking you do. 918 01:03:36,920 --> 01:03:39,571 Because, Brendan, that's who I am. I can't help it. 919 01:03:42,100 --> 01:03:43,689 I just want the whole deal. 920 01:03:50,487 --> 01:03:54,805 You know, I think you're coping with all this really well. 921 01:03:56,805 --> 01:03:58,884 I'm completely falling apart, actually, 922 01:03:58,884 --> 01:03:59,923 but what can you do? 923 01:04:02,323 --> 01:04:05,402 - It's a break-up. They're hard. - They are. 924 01:04:05,402 --> 01:04:08,801 - So what about you? - What about me? 925 01:04:08,801 --> 01:04:09,840 Are you seeing anyone? 926 01:04:11,390 --> 01:04:14,118 Probably... probably not for very long. 927 01:04:16,478 --> 01:04:17,517 Interesting? Handsome? 928 01:04:19,117 --> 01:04:19,956 Yeah. 929 01:04:21,556 --> 01:04:23,715 Smooth or hairy? 930 01:04:24,715 --> 01:04:26,714 Sally, I can't talk about this just now. 931 01:04:27,714 --> 01:04:29,273 - Oh, no! - What? - No, that's not fair. 932 01:04:29,273 --> 01:04:30,312 I dished it. 933 01:04:30,312 --> 01:04:33,151 - Well, you know, it's all a bit... - What? 934 01:04:34,151 --> 01:04:37,110 Well, there've been a few developments... 935 01:04:37,110 --> 01:04:43,788 Oh, Leo, you can talk to me, have a good old cry, order a pizza, knock back some beers, 936 01:04:43,788 --> 01:04:46,427 - hire a hooker. - A hooker?! - Do us both. 937 01:04:46,427 --> 01:04:48,466 You're a tart. 938 01:04:48,466 --> 01:04:51,785 - Wash your mouth out. - Party pooper. Oh, look. 939 01:04:51,785 --> 01:04:53,945 Interest rates. 940 01:04:53,945 --> 01:04:55,344 - Morning. - Loft extensions... 941 01:04:55,344 --> 01:04:58,983 Darling, how do you feel about double glazing? 942 01:02:17,983 --> 01:02:19,543 943 01:04:58,983 --> 01:05:01,701 I feel we're going to have to mortgage the children, darling. 944 01:05:01,701 --> 01:05:05,540 - What do you think? THEY BOTH LAUGH 945 01:05:07,580 --> 01:05:08,619 Bye! 946 01:05:08,619 --> 01:05:11,138 HE LAUGHS 947 01:05:11,138 --> 01:05:14,297 - He fancied you rotten! - Oh, no. - Yes, he did. 948 01:05:14,297 --> 01:05:17,896 - No, he fancied you. - Me? No, he didn't! 949 01:05:17,896 --> 01:05:20,295 He wanted to bend you over the table and have his way with you. 950 01:05:24,734 --> 01:05:26,373 It's quite early. Why not come back for a glass of wine? 951 01:05:26,373 --> 01:05:29,532 - Oh, no. I'd better not. - I'll go ask the waiter. 952 01:05:29,532 --> 01:05:34,490 - No. Hey, come here. I'll come back with you. - Will you? - Mm. 953 01:05:34,490 --> 01:05:35,529 Oh, Good. 954 01:05:36,529 --> 01:05:40,728 Don't worry. If you miss the last tube I'll pour you in a cab. 955 01:05:41,728 --> 01:05:44,767 PASSIONATE MOANING 956 01:05:44,747 --> 01:05:47,286 957 01:05:47,286 --> 01:05:48,325 958 01:05:48,325 --> 01:05:49,365 KEITH: You millionaire! 959 01:05:50,365 --> 01:05:52,444 I've been there and back. What about you? 960 01:05:53,444 --> 01:05:54,483 Home stretch! 961 01:05:54,483 --> 01:05:56,522 DOORBELL RINGS - Damn! 962 01:05:57,522 --> 01:05:58,561 They're early! 963 01:05:58,561 --> 01:06:04,360 964 01:06:04,360 --> 01:06:07,558 The sacrifices we make for the evolution of the species. 965 01:06:11,757 --> 01:06:13,156 - All right. - I love being a woman. 966 01:06:15,116 --> 01:06:16,595 Not because of you, because of me. 967 01:06:18,954 --> 01:06:22,953 'That was one of the most incredible experiences I've had,' 968 01:06:24,953 --> 01:06:25,992 to be completely passive, 969 01:06:28,111 --> 01:06:31,350 to give myself wholeheartedly to another person, to... 970 01:06:32,350 --> 01:06:35,108 to let go of all social conditioning and prejudice. 971 01:06:37,788 --> 01:06:44,105 In fact, I don't think I've ever felt so close to another human being in my entire life. 972 01:06:45,105 --> 01:06:46,144 Wow. 973 01:06:48,624 --> 01:06:49,663 You know, in a funny way, 974 01:06:50,663 --> 01:06:53,542 the experience has taught me something about women, too. 975 01:06:53,542 --> 01:06:56,421 I know that may sound absurd but... 976 01:06:58,421 --> 01:07:00,100 But I feel closer to women in a way now. 977 01:07:02,299 --> 01:07:03,219 Am I making any sense? 978 01:07:03,219 --> 01:07:05,618 You're making a whole lot of sense. 979 01:07:06,618 --> 01:07:09,137 - Remember? - How do you remember that? 980 01:07:09,137 --> 01:07:09,976 Do you not? 981 01:07:16,774 --> 01:07:18,893 You're lovely, you know that? 982 01:07:21,132 --> 01:07:23,120 Are you flirting with me? 983 01:07:25,371 --> 01:07:27,450 I'm not sure. Am I? 984 01:07:28,450 --> 01:07:29,409 I don't know. 985 01:07:31,409 --> 01:07:33,728 But it makes me feel a lot better. 986 01:07:33,728 --> 01:07:35,287 That's good. 987 01:07:37,927 --> 01:07:41,165 I remember something else you said later on. 988 01:07:41,165 --> 01:07:43,205 989 01:07:43,205 --> 01:07:46,443 You said the chemistry is not right. Do you remember that? 990 01:07:46,443 --> 01:07:49,482 991 01:07:49,482 --> 01:07:50,881 It always... 992 01:07:52,881 --> 01:07:54,280 struck me as strange, because... 993 01:07:55,280 --> 01:07:59,879 although we we were incompatible in certain... 994 01:08:00,838 --> 01:08:02,878 very important ways... 995 01:08:03,878 --> 01:08:06,716 - I always thought the one thing we had was... - was chemistry. 996 01:08:11,755 --> 01:08:12,794 So, why did you say that? 997 01:08:17,173 --> 01:08:17,912 I don't know. 998 01:08:19,512 --> 01:08:21,551 I mean, I thought, if we... 999 01:08:24,110 --> 01:08:25,700 went the whole hog, 1000 01:08:25,700 --> 01:08:29,188 then, you know, we'd be in love and I'd still be queer... 1001 01:08:30,268 --> 01:08:32,227 You know? That would have been... 1002 01:08:34,127 --> 01:08:34,966 What? 1003 01:08:36,166 --> 01:08:37,305 Well, dishonest. 1004 01:08:38,105 --> 01:08:39,344 Dishonest? 1005 01:08:41,744 --> 01:08:47,822 - I so wish you'd been my first time with a man. - I wish you'd been MY first time with a man! 1006 01:05:57,822 --> 01:05:59,861 1007 01:08:47,822 --> 01:08:48,901 SHE LAUGHS 1008 01:08:49,901 --> 01:08:52,940 - You know who was? - No. Who? 1009 01:08:56,579 --> 01:08:58,618 - Come on. - Michael Weeks. 1010 01:08:58,618 --> 01:09:00,658 Michael Weeks? 1011 01:09:00,658 --> 01:09:03,160 - MY first time was with Michael Weeks! - No! - No. 1012 01:09:03,160 --> 01:09:05,535 Oh, God! 1013 01:09:07,535 --> 01:09:09,575 - You didn't leave me with a lot of options. - No. 1014 01:06:18,575 --> 01:06:20,614 1015 01:09:13,612 --> 01:09:16,652 I was just scared. 1016 01:09:17,652 --> 01:09:18,691 I know. 1017 01:09:22,250 --> 01:09:23,529 - Sally? - Mmm. 1018 01:09:23,529 --> 01:09:30,870 Would you be really shocked if I said I'd like to kiss you? 1019 01:09:33,926 --> 01:09:34,965 Yeah. 1020 01:09:35,965 --> 01:09:39,324 So keep your filthy homosexual hands off me. 1021 01:09:45,420 --> 01:09:46,801 Come on, then. 1022 01:09:46,801 --> 01:09:48,840 - Can I ask a question? - Yeah. 1023 01:06:57,840 --> 01:06:59,879 1024 01:09:51,179 --> 01:09:51,919 does it hurt? 1025 01:09:52,919 --> 01:09:56,597 Well, yeah. It felt a bit funny at first, you know, 1026 01:09:56,597 --> 01:09:59,637 but after a bit you loosen up 1027 01:10:01,637 --> 01:10:04,595 and then you get to like it, and before you know where you are you... 1028 01:10:05,595 --> 01:10:06,634 can't get enough of it. 1029 01:10:08,134 --> 01:10:08,913 Excellent. 1030 01:10:09,593 --> 01:10:12,112 - 'Well, where is he? - Leo? No idea. I don't know.' 1031 01:10:23,788 --> 01:10:25,507 - Can I say something? - Yes, of course. 1032 01:10:28,107 --> 01:10:31,545 It's not about homosexuality, so maybe you won't be interested. 1033 01:10:31,545 --> 01:10:35,944 - Of course we are. - You're safe here. You're loved. 1034 01:10:35,944 --> 01:10:39,903 Yeah, but that is just it. I don't want to be loved, not by MEN. 1035 01:07:43,903 --> 01:07:46,702 1036 01:10:41,102 --> 01:10:41,941 All right. 1037 01:10:42,141 --> 01:10:42,981 All right. 1038 01:10:45,781 --> 01:10:47,700 Would you like to be...liked? 1039 01:10:51,978 --> 01:10:57,297 I think what I'd really like now is just... to leave. 1040 01:08:00,297 --> 01:08:01,777 1041 01:08:01,777 --> 01:08:03,176 1042 01:10:57,297 --> 01:10:58,855 - Now, you know... - Get... 1043 01:11:03,454 --> 01:11:05,293 I think it will make me feel a lot better. 1044 01:11:16,169 --> 01:11:17,809 I'll see myself out. 1045 01:11:19,409 --> 01:11:21,448 Interesting choice. 1046 01:11:21,687 --> 01:11:23,127 I'm sorry. I can't... 1047 01:11:32,127 --> 01:11:32,944 I can't do it. 1048 01:11:33,844 --> 01:11:35,883 - I'm sorry. - What? 1049 01:11:35,883 --> 01:11:36,922 Is this all my fault? 1050 01:11:36,922 --> 01:11:39,961 I don't know. I don't know. 1051 01:11:41,100 --> 01:11:41,940 Look... 1052 01:11:44,140 --> 01:11:45,519 I'm sorry. OK? 1053 01:11:45,959 --> 01:11:48,198 Leo, you're an adult. You can do as you please. 1054 01:11:48,198 --> 01:11:49,917 Sally, I know that. 1055 01:11:52,370 --> 01:11:53,315 Look, I'm sorry. 1056 01:11:58,315 --> 01:11:59,234 I'll call you, OK? 1057 01:12:11,110 --> 01:12:14,549 You cook it for 20 minutes and it turns into spaghetti. 1058 01:12:14,549 --> 01:12:15,508 Oh, pull the other one! 1059 01:12:15,508 --> 01:12:17,508 It turns into bloody spaghetti! 1060 01:12:17,508 --> 01:12:20,827 Leo, please. Back me up on this. 1061 01:12:22,586 --> 01:12:23,985 Guys, look, I was wondering... 1062 01:12:24,985 --> 01:12:25,944 What, Leo? 1063 01:12:26,904 --> 01:12:30,503 If I kissed a woman, you know, properly, 1064 01:12:30,503 --> 01:12:33,142 - would that make me a hetty? - Don't be absurd. 1065 01:12:33,142 --> 01:12:36,341 - Absolutely not, no. - Right, good. 1066 01:12:37,341 --> 01:12:38,900 Not unless it gave you an erection. 1067 01:12:40,100 --> 01:12:42,139 Oh, my God. 1068 01:12:42,139 --> 01:12:44,618 - What?! - That woman. That blonde hussy! 1069 01:12:44,618 --> 01:12:47,377 - What did she do to you? - She is not a hussy, ok ? 1070 01:12:47,377 --> 01:12:49,177 I think I'll be the judge of that. 1071 01:12:49,577 --> 01:12:53,654 - It's all our fault. - I knew we shouldn't have let him get in touch with his masculine side. 1072 01:12:56,654 --> 01:12:59,140 - Leo, you are a HOMOsexual! - Yeah ! 1073 01:12:59,140 --> 01:13:00,932 MOBILE RINGS 1074 01:10:00,573 --> 01:10:01,932 1075 01:13:00,932 --> 01:13:02,411 Expect this'll be the sex police. 1076 01:13:04,411 --> 01:13:07,451 Leo, you are a strawberry blonde. 1077 01:10:06,451 --> 01:10:08,570 1078 01:13:08,570 --> 01:13:11,929 You can't go out with an ash blonde. It's not right. 1079 01:13:12,529 --> 01:13:13,648 I'll deal with you later. 1080 01:13:13,648 --> 01:13:16,887 Neither of you leave the house till I get back. 1081 01:13:20,366 --> 01:13:21,405 That's how I like you. 1082 01:13:21,405 --> 01:13:24,164 Don't you think the decor's a bit dodgy? 1083 01:13:24,164 --> 01:13:25,644 Oh, bugger the decor. 1084 01:13:25,644 --> 01:13:27,763 As long as it does it for you. 1085 01:13:28,682 --> 01:13:31,122 Then, now you're completely in my power. 1086 01:13:32,122 --> 01:13:36,840 Gosh, Jeremy, you could do anything to me. What are you going to do? 1087 01:13:36,840 --> 01:13:38,279 I'd be completely unable to escape. 1088 01:13:39,279 --> 01:13:41,380 Do you know what? I haven't decided yet. 1089 01:13:42,380 --> 01:13:44,357 But there's one thing I do know. 1090 01:13:44,357 --> 01:13:45,517 And what's that? 1091 01:13:46,516 --> 01:13:49,635 I want you stark, bollock naked. 1092 01:13:49,635 --> 01:13:50,535 Oh, my goodness me. 1093 01:13:52,350 --> 01:13:54,434 Oh, not my Calvins! No please ! 1094 01:13:54,434 --> 01:13:57,720 Oh, stop squealing, you little tart. Want the neighbours to hear? 1095 01:13:59,272 --> 01:14:01,311 I feel completely exposed. 1096 01:14:01,311 --> 01:14:03,350 That's what I like to see. 1097 01:14:06,290 --> 01:14:12,628 Now, what if I was to... tweak your nipple just a little bit? 1098 01:11:06,628 --> 01:11:09,987 1099 01:14:14,247 --> 02:25:27,033 1100 01:14:14,786 --> 01:14:17,905 You like that, don't you? Do you want me to do it a bit harder? 1101 01:14:17,905 --> 01:14:19,904 Oh, have mercy. 1102 01:14:19,904 --> 01:14:21,903 < You don't deserve mercy. 1103 01:14:28,742 --> 01:14:32,180 I hope you'll be gentle. You know how huge you are. 1104 01:14:33,939 --> 01:14:35,139 Am I huge? 1105 01:14:35,139 --> 01:14:37,938 Yes, you're huge. 1106 01:14:38,858 --> 01:14:40,577 - Say it. - I just did. 1107 01:14:40,577 --> 01:14:42,777 - Say it again. - You're huge. 1108 01:14:42,777 --> 01:14:44,816 And again. You're... 1109 01:14:44,816 --> 02:26:31,671 CLUNK What was that? 1110 01:14:50,774 --> 01:14:51,813 Stay here. 1111 01:14:52,113 --> 01:14:52,952 OK. 1112 01:15:00,690 --> 01:15:02,289 - Someone's here. - You're not serious! 1113 01:15:03,289 --> 01:15:05,169 I thought they'd gone away! 1114 01:15:05,169 --> 01:15:06,928 She said she was going to. 1115 01:15:06,928 --> 01:15:08,207 Well, get me out of these fucking cuffs! 1116 01:15:10,567 --> 01:15:12,606 Can't find the fucking key! 1117 01:15:15,125 --> 01:15:15,965 Excuse me. 1118 01:15:19,184 --> 01:15:19,803 Jeremy! 1119 01:15:21,103 --> 01:15:21,842 Jeremy! 1120 01:15:26,161 --> 01:15:28,240 Who the hell are you? 1121 01:15:28,240 --> 01:15:32,559 1122 01:15:32,559 --> 01:15:36,398 1123 01:15:35,398 --> 01:15:38,477 My name is not Geraldine and it's not my birthday. 1124 01:15:38,477 --> 01:15:39,516 Isn't it? 1125 01:15:40,516 --> 01:15:43,115 But this is 25 Sheldrake Avenue, isn't it ? 1126 01:15:44,115 --> 01:15:47,274 No. This is 23 Sheldrake Avenue. 1127 01:15:47,274 --> 01:15:50,352 Oh, God! How appallingly embarrassing. 1128 01:15:51,352 --> 01:15:57,392 I'm an S-and-M-ogram and I've obviously got the wrong house. No! 1129 01:12:46,392 --> 01:12:50,150 1130 01:15:59,389 --> 01:16:00,429 Don't I know you? 1131 01:16:01,129 --> 01:16:02,148 < I hope not. 1132 01:12:58,270 --> 01:12:59,507 1133 01:16:07,507 --> 01:16:10,185 It wasn't my idea. I'm going out with a sex maniac. 1134 01:16:10,185 --> 01:16:12,665 It could happen to any of us. 1135 01:16:27,600 --> 01:16:27,899 ANGELA OVER INTERCOM: 'Hello?' 1136 01:16:28,990 --> 01:16:29,180 Ang, it's me. You've got to come down. 1137 01:16:29,180 --> 01:16:30,570 'Oh...' 1138 01:16:40,455 --> 01:16:42,774 What's the matter with you? Where are your keys? 1139 01:16:42,774 --> 01:16:44,130 I don't know. Something terrible's happened. 1140 01:16:44,130 --> 01:16:47,412 Oh, not now. I'm making lasagne. 1141 01:16:47,412 --> 01:16:52,531 Don't abandon me in my hour of need! We've got to go and see Leo. 1142 01:16:52,531 --> 01:16:54,410 What difference will it make if I'm there? 1143 01:16:54,410 --> 01:16:56,649 He won't kill me. 1144 01:16:56,649 --> 01:16:58,648 God! All right. 1145 01:16:59,648 --> 01:17:01,487 - I'll have to go and change. - It's embarrassing. 1146 01:17:01,487 --> 01:17:02,766 OK, I'll wait here. 1147 01:17:06,166 --> 01:17:07,545 I can't go in. I can't face him. 1148 01:17:10,204 --> 01:17:11,244 - Hi. - Hi. 1149 01:17:14,203 --> 01:17:15,682 Ang has got something to tell you. 1150 01:17:16,682 --> 01:17:18,721 Dan has something to tell you. 1151 01:17:19,121 --> 01:17:19,961 Leo... 1152 01:17:21,161 --> 01:17:22,400 - Who's that? - Who, Adam? 1153 01:17:22,400 --> 01:17:23,879 He's sex on legs. 1154 01:17:23,879 --> 01:17:25,790 Leo, we have to talk. 1155 01:17:25,790 --> 01:17:28,718 Now, go easy on him. It could have happened to any of us. 1156 01:17:28,718 --> 01:17:29,757 What have you done? 1157 01:17:31,157 --> 01:17:31,996 What is it? 1158 01:17:35,676 --> 01:17:38,394 If I'd done something really, really, really bad... 1159 01:17:39,594 --> 01:17:43,633 I'm Angie. You must be... Adam. 1160 01:14:30,633 --> 01:14:32,673 1161 01:17:44,173 --> 01:17:45,532 At your service. 1162 01:14:33,832 --> 01:14:35,871 1163 01:17:47,871 --> 01:17:51,790 Has... something happened ? 1164 01:14:38,790 --> 01:14:40,270 1165 01:17:52,270 --> 01:17:56,508 < Oh. Well, Dan has done something very bad 1166 01:17:56,508 --> 01:17:58,347 and he's worried Leo will throw him out. 1167 01:18:01,786 --> 01:18:02,825 Is that fish paste? 1168 01:18:03,825 --> 01:18:07,784 Yeah, it is, actually. It's all I've got, I'm afraid. 1169 01:18:08,784 --> 01:18:09,823 I adore fish paste. 1170 01:18:11,123 --> 01:18:11,962 You do? 1171 01:14:59,862 --> 01:15:01,262 1172 01:18:15,162 --> 01:18:15,901 That's it. 1173 01:18:15,901 --> 01:18:16,781 What do you mean, that's it? 1174 01:18:18,181 --> 01:18:20,499 - You'll see. - What are you going to do? - Sort my life out. 1175 01:18:21,199 --> 01:18:22,139 Can I come with you ? 1176 01:18:25,698 --> 01:18:27,970 Don't hate me, Leo. I was in love. 1177 01:18:27,970 --> 01:18:31,456 - I don't hate you. - I'm not in love any more, though. 1178 01:18:31,456 --> 01:18:35,414 Why am I always the one waiting for everyone else to sort themselves out? 1179 01:18:35,414 --> 01:18:38,933 - I don't know. - I sit at home, twiddling my thumbs, 1180 01:18:38,933 --> 01:18:44,851 while you're out there, getting your hands dirty, taking risks. 1181 01:18:59,206 --> 01:19:02,445 Gherkins, olives, sun-dried tomatoes... 1182 01:19:02,145 --> 01:19:03,484 Leo. Darren. 1183 01:19:04,184 --> 01:19:05,300 What are you doing here? 1184 01:19:06,300 --> 01:19:08,643 I can't do this any more. 1185 01:19:08,643 --> 01:19:09,882 I have to tell her. 1186 01:19:09,882 --> 01:19:13,410 Whoa. Don't you think we ought to discuss this first? 1187 01:19:13,410 --> 01:19:15,800 - Hi, Sally. - Hi. 1188 01:19:22,178 --> 01:19:23,717 Darren, could you erm... 1189 01:19:24,117 --> 01:19:28,396 Sally, this thing that I've got to tell you. 1190 01:16:11,396 --> 01:16:13,435 1191 01:19:29,135 --> 01:19:29,915 Leo, 1192 01:19:29,915 --> 01:19:33,594 - this isn't a good time. - You know each other? 1193 01:19:34,594 --> 01:19:36,293 - No. - Yes, we do ! - Don't ! 1194 01:16:19,793 --> 01:16:20,953 1195 01:19:37,953 --> 01:19:41,591 I think, if Leo has something to say, he should say it. 1196 01:19:41,591 --> 01:19:44,550 Thank you. Right. The other night, yeah? 1197 01:19:44,550 --> 01:19:45,509 You know, when we were... 1198 01:19:45,509 --> 01:19:49,188 - You know... on the floor. - On the floor? - Yeah ! On the floor. 1199 01:19:49,188 --> 01:19:51,187 - What were you doing on the floor ? - We were snogging. 1200 01:19:53,347 --> 01:19:55,786 Don't look so shocked. We were just giving it a go. 1201 01:19:55,786 --> 01:19:59,825 - Leo, can we discuss this elsewhere? - Yeah. 1202 01:19:59,825 --> 01:20:02,344 - Sorry, sorry. - It's OK. 1203 01:20:04,823 --> 01:20:06,220 I know I'm a little bit daft... 1204 01:20:06,220 --> 01:20:08,141 Look, one thing at a time, OK? 1205 01:20:09,141 --> 01:20:12,660 Right. The reason I didn't sleep with you is... 1206 01:20:16,298 --> 01:20:19,817 - ..I've been having an affair with Brendan. - Right. 1207 01:20:21,817 --> 01:20:26,856 Yeah. And... I felt guilty... You know ? 1208 01:17:04,856 --> 01:17:06,896 1209 01:17:06,896 --> 01:17:08,935 1210 01:20:26,935 --> 01:20:30,174 And I felt confused... and... 1211 01:17:10,974 --> 01:17:13,130 1212 01:20:32,130 --> 01:20:32,993 that's it. 1213 01:20:33,933 --> 01:20:36,251 I was wondering how long it was going to take you to tell me. 1214 01:20:38,151 --> 01:20:38,990 You knew? 1215 01:20:40,190 --> 01:20:41,130 How could you know? 1216 01:20:42,130 --> 01:20:42,969 Leo... 1217 01:20:45,568 --> 01:20:50,646 you were behaving extremely strangely and you were wearing Brendan's jacket. 1218 01:20:52,646 --> 01:20:55,205 I also wondered who would tell me. Thank you, Leo. 1219 01:20:57,404 --> 01:20:59,163 Sally, I'm sorry. 1220 01:20:59,563 --> 01:21:03,601 Brendon, I can't spend half my life trying to figure out what you're not telling me. 1221 01:21:03,601 --> 01:21:06,600 - I just need you to be honest with me. - Yeah. 1222 01:21:08,600 --> 01:21:09,940 I know. I... 1223 01:21:14,318 --> 01:21:16,838 I'm so sorry. 1224 01:21:21,196 --> 01:21:21,935 Look, 1225 01:21:25,135 --> 01:21:26,974 Can you... Can you forgive me? 1226 01:18:05,674 --> 01:18:07,713 1227 01:21:30,720 --> 01:21:30,912 Yeah. 1228 01:21:33,112 --> 01:21:33,951 Thank you. 1229 01:21:33,951 --> 01:21:36,790 No, it doesn't mean I want you back. 1230 01:21:40,709 --> 01:21:45,748 Well... Maybe we could work on it. 1231 01:18:21,748 --> 01:18:23,787 1232 01:21:45,748 --> 01:21:47,226 We've worked on it. This is what we've come up with. 1233 01:21:47,226 --> 01:21:51,544 Let's look each other in the eye and just say, "It's over." 1234 01:21:59,302 --> 01:22:00,941 When you can do that come and see me. 1235 01:22:20,150 --> 01:22:21,140 Sally! Sally! 1236 01:22:23,140 --> 01:22:25,253 - Leo! Leo! - What? 1237 01:22:25,253 --> 01:22:28,372 - What's Pecorino? - A cheese. 1238 01:22:28,372 --> 01:22:29,571 No, no, it's ham. 1239 01:22:38,128 --> 01:22:38,988 It's on the house. 1240 01:22:41,926 --> 01:22:50,965 SMOOTH JAZZ 1241 01:23:12,317 --> 01:23:15,555 It wasn't the handcuffs or the damage to the Calvins, 1242 01:23:15,555 --> 01:23:20,553 but the way he did it and the things he said. Made me feel very cheap. 1243 01:23:20,953 --> 01:23:24,592 We must rebirth this adorable individual right now. 1244 01:23:24,592 --> 01:23:28,351 - Is there a quiet room near here? - What are we going to do? 1245 01:23:28,351 --> 01:23:28,950 Darren? 1246 01:23:30,150 --> 01:23:30,910 Yes? 1247 01:23:31,510 --> 01:23:37,107 - How would you like to be cleansed? - Completely cleansed of all negativity. 1248 01:23:37,107 --> 01:23:39,307 Like a face pack? 1249 01:23:39,307 --> 01:23:41,106 A spiritual face pack. 1250 01:23:41,106 --> 01:23:42,945 Well, I don't want to be too cleansed. 1251 01:23:44,945 --> 01:23:49,230 These loft conversions, I mean, they look great, but impossible to heat. 1252 01:23:49,230 --> 01:23:51,303 A bit chilly in the bedroom, is it? 1253 01:23:52,103 --> 01:23:53,542 That's something you'll never know. 1254 01:23:58,600 --> 01:24:02,619 - This was all our idea, you know. It wasn't just Darren's. - I know. 1255 01:24:07,777 --> 01:24:09,816 - So, when are you off to Thailand? - I'm not. 1256 01:24:09,816 --> 01:24:11,615 Brendan's going on his own. 1257 01:24:12,815 --> 01:24:13,834 You are still back together? 1258 01:24:16,134 --> 01:24:17,374 He moved back in, yeah. 1259 01:24:18,174 --> 01:24:19,133 I didn't invite him. 1260 01:24:20,133 --> 01:24:23,132 He came back and... I'm still fond of him. 1261 01:20:53,932 --> 01:20:55,931 1262 01:24:25,971 --> 01:24:27,130 Is that why you haven't called me ? 1263 01:20:59,130 --> 01:21:01,169 1264 01:24:29,169 --> 01:24:30,209 Well, three's a crowd. 1265 01:24:32,208 --> 01:24:34,247 - Leo! - What? 1266 01:24:36,147 --> 01:24:39,725 - Brendan and I had been seven years together. - I know. 1267 01:24:40,225 --> 01:24:45,830 - He'll always be a part of my life, so you'll have to respect that. - I do. 1268 01:24:47,103 --> 01:24:52,401 You helped me. I'm remembering who I want to be and it's fun. 1269 01:24:53,101 --> 01:24:54,140 I thank you for that. 1270 01:24:58,390 --> 01:24:59,998 Oh, Sal, I've missed you. 1271 01:25:02,998 --> 01:25:04,370 Oh! I've missed you, too. 1272 01:21:34,370 --> 01:21:36,760 1273 01:25:07,436 --> 01:25:08,975 I don't want to let you go. 1274 01:25:10,135 --> 01:25:12,154 You don't have to! 1275 01:25:14,193 --> 01:25:16,112 - What? - Nothing. 1276 01:25:17,112 --> 01:25:23,390 - You do have to change your clothes and come out and enjoy the party. - Yeah? - Yeah. 1277 01:25:25,190 --> 01:25:25,929 OK. 1278 01:25:28,169 --> 01:25:28,988 I'll be there. 1279 01:25:32,107 --> 01:25:33,586 - See you out there. - Yeah. 1280 01:25:35,186 --> 01:25:36,925 INTERCOM BUZZES 1281 01:25:38,145 --> 01:25:40,184 Hello? Oh. 1282 01:25:42,123 --> 01:25:43,943 No, stay there. I'll come down. 1283 01:25:49,181 --> 01:25:49,920 Voila. 1284 01:25:52,120 --> 01:25:54,979 You should have brought the women from your group along. 1285 01:25:54,979 --> 01:25:57,858 Add a little female energy. 1286 01:25:57,858 --> 01:25:59,297 Actually, they're all a bit volatile at the moment. 1287 01:25:59,297 --> 01:26:03,895 Jane's decided she's not a lesbian. She just happens to love a woman. 1288 01:26:04,895 --> 01:26:08,540 Wendy's decided she is a lesbian but she wants to be with a man. 1289 01:26:08,540 --> 01:26:13,520 And Penny doesn't feel sexual and says she feels left out. 1290 01:26:17,151 --> 01:26:18,610 What do you want? 1291 01:26:18,610 --> 01:26:20,650 I wanted to... 1292 01:26:22,150 --> 01:26:22,989 you know. 1293 01:26:25,480 --> 01:26:26,188 I brought you these. 1294 01:26:26,188 --> 01:26:27,147 And? 1295 01:26:28,147 --> 01:26:29,526 Well, I thought maybe we could... 1296 01:26:30,526 --> 01:26:34,445 spend the evening together. I've got Time Out. 1297 01:26:34,445 --> 01:26:37,163 Well, it's a bit difficult this evening. We're having a party. 1298 01:26:38,163 --> 01:26:39,203 Oh, I see. 1299 01:26:44,182 --> 01:26:44,921 Oh, well. 1300 01:26:50,199 --> 01:26:52,138 Will you please take these? 1301 01:26:58,157 --> 01:26:58,977 Jeremy? 1302 01:26:58,977 --> 01:26:59,916 Mmm? 1303 01:27:01,116 --> 01:27:02,750 There must be changes. 1304 01:27:02,750 --> 01:27:03,275 I can change. 1305 01:27:03,275 --> 01:27:05,340 There have to be trips to art galleries. 1306 01:27:05,340 --> 01:27:07,313 Absolutely. I've circled ideas. 1307 01:27:07,313 --> 01:27:10,512 I want lunches in Soho. Why not? 1308 01:27:30,250 --> 01:27:33,264 That is a rather splendid bunch of...keys. 1309 01:27:34,264 --> 01:27:35,303 Oh, yes. 1310 01:27:37,303 --> 01:27:39,502 I've got the keys to my mum's place 1311 01:27:39,502 --> 01:27:42,301 and the keys to my place 1312 01:27:42,301 --> 01:27:44,460 and...oh... 1313 01:27:44,460 --> 01:27:46,140 What? Keys to what? 1314 01:27:48,519 --> 01:27:50,980 We haven't much time. Ang's at the party. 1315 01:27:54,537 --> 01:27:56,616 - You're just jealous because I went out and did it. - Oh, yeah? 1316 01:27:56,616 --> 01:28:01,694 - You were sat with your muscle mag. - That's a quaint way of putting it. - Oh, God. 1317 01:28:02,694 --> 01:28:06,412 OK. Now you've done the gay thing, so it's back to the wife and kids? 1318 01:28:06,412 --> 01:28:09,411 - Jesus, you are so... - What is the point? 1319 01:28:09,411 --> 01:28:14,900 - Twisted... - Why not just pay someone to do all the difficult stuff? 1320 01:28:14,900 --> 01:28:17,208 They could come home and give you little written reports. 1321 01:28:20,208 --> 01:28:21,247 You fucker. 1322 01:28:22,247 --> 01:28:23,606 Do you want to step outside, Paddy? 1323 01:28:24,606 --> 01:28:26,646 Yeah. Yeah, right, I do. 1324 01:28:27,146 --> 01:28:27,985 Good. 1325 01:28:28,685 --> 01:28:29,804 About time I gave you a smack. 1326 01:28:35,420 --> 01:28:38,641 Those two don't need to fight, they need to fuck. 1327 01:28:39,641 --> 01:28:44,180 You know, I think you may be right. Good. 1328 01:25:02,680 --> 01:25:05,439 1329 01:28:45,439 --> 01:28:46,359 Come on, come on. 1330 01:28:46,359 --> 01:28:47,398 What? 1331 01:28:47,398 --> 01:28:48,437 You love it, huh? 1332 01:28:53,396 --> 01:28:54,435 Are you over him? 1333 01:28:54,435 --> 01:28:58,834 Erm, yeah. Yeah, I think so. You? 1334 01:28:58,834 --> 01:28:59,874 Er, me? Erm... 1335 01:29:00,993 --> 01:29:02,192 at least ninety five percent. 1336 01:29:02,192 --> 01:29:02,932 Good. 1337 01:29:04,232 --> 01:29:07,271 Are you over me, though? 1338 01:29:07,271 --> 01:29:09,510 Over you? I haven't even been under you yet. 1339 01:29:09,510 --> 01:29:12,549 Or not for very long! 1340 01:29:14,549 --> 01:29:18,667 That's true, but maybe this is all just foreplay for me. 1341 01:29:18,667 --> 01:29:19,707 Oh, right! 1342 01:29:19,707 --> 01:29:21,226 Ten years of foreplay. 1343 01:29:21,226 --> 01:29:25,584 Yeah. I'm a slow-burner. It takes me a while to get going. I thought women liked this. 1344 01:29:25,584 --> 01:29:34,582 - They love it. But what should I expect first, you or the menopause? - Sally! You are so demanding. 1345 01:25:52,582 --> 01:25:54,301 1346 01:29:34,582 --> 01:29:36,341 Oi! Come here. 1347 01:29:37,341 --> 01:29:42,538 Will you excuse us? We're just going to nip across the hall, spend some quality time. 1348 01:29:46,578 --> 01:29:49,696 - I think she likes you. - Get lost. - I do think she likes you. 1349 01:29:50,215 --> 01:29:56,930 Mwah! Happy birthday, gorgeous. We're just going to go and... sand my floors. 1350 01:26:16,930 --> 01:26:18,133 1351 01:29:59,133 --> 01:30:01,532 Leo, whatever you do, I love you. 1352 01:30:03,532 --> 01:30:04,571 You take care of him. 1353 01:30:04,571 --> 01:30:06,610 - Right, bye! - Bye. 1354 01:30:11,368 --> 01:30:14,887 I'm in one of those moods and I'm not even drunk. 1355 01:30:14,887 --> 01:30:16,526 That could easily be arranged. 1356 01:30:17,526 --> 01:30:23,964 What do you say, we check into some faceless hotel and raid the mini-bar? 1357 01:30:23,964 --> 01:30:26,523 Where do you get that mind of yours? 1358 01:30:28,323 --> 01:30:30,362 - Bye, Leo. - Bye. 1359 01:30:33,181 --> 01:30:33,920 Come on, then. 1360 01:26:51,920 --> 01:26:53,799 1361 01:30:35,239 --> 01:30:38,599 Oh, my God. Did I hurt you? 1362 01:30:38,599 --> 01:30:40,638 - Oh, yes. - Jesus. 1363 01:30:40,638 --> 01:30:42,677 - Ow! - Oh, God. 1364 01:26:59,677 --> 01:27:01,716 1365 01:30:50,535 --> 01:30:52,873 You should never call an Irishman Paddy, you know that? 1366 01:30:53,873 --> 01:30:55,193 I'm sorry. It just slipped out. 1367 01:30:57,193 --> 01:30:58,592 I was going to call you dickhead. 1368 01:31:01,591 --> 01:31:02,630 You know, Terry, 1369 01:31:04,829 --> 01:31:08,680 I know this great pub just round the corner that serves real Guinness. 1370 01:31:10,680 --> 01:31:11,267 Would you let me buy you a pint? 1371 01:31:15,546 --> 01:31:16,585 - Real Guinness? - Yeah. 1372 01:31:19,304 --> 01:31:20,344 That'd be nice, yeah. 1373 01:31:22,144 --> 01:31:22,983 Come on, then. 1374 01:31:25,982 --> 01:31:30,341 - Have you ever been to Thailand? - No, but I like the food. 1375 01:31:32,380 --> 01:31:33,699 Well, there you go. 1376 01:31:35,199 --> 01:31:35,938 Another year. 1377 01:31:37,138 --> 01:31:40,257 Was it my imagination or did everyone pair off? 1378 01:31:40,257 --> 01:31:42,216 Yeah, they did. Still, it's... 1379 01:31:43,216 --> 01:31:44,255 it's kind of convenient. 1380 01:31:46,815 --> 01:31:48,494 It just...leaves us. 1381 01:31:49,194 --> 01:31:49,993 You know? 1382 01:31:51,253 --> 01:31:52,292 What do you say? 1383 01:31:54,292 --> 01:31:55,931 Let's cause a little gossip. 1384 01:31:57,891 --> 01:32:01,329 I don't know. So far, you've been THE most disappointing lover. 1385 01:32:02,329 --> 01:32:05,728 - I feel good about that. - Do you now? - Yeah. 1386 01:32:06,728 --> 01:32:08,870 How could I possibly disappoint you any more? 1387 01:32:09,870 --> 01:32:11,205 And that's a very good feeling to have when you're a guy. 1388 01:32:13,205 --> 01:32:17,203 We have to do something about your tendency to leave at odd moments. Women don't like that at all. 1389 01:32:22,203 --> 01:32:25,242 There must be something I can do that women like. 1390 01:28:35,242 --> 01:28:37,801 1391 01:32:36,357 --> 01:32:38,116 - ANG: OK, out. - DARREN: We're just leaving. 1392 01:32:12,145 --> 01:32:13,184 Probably just a phase. 1393 01:32:16,184 --> 01:32:17,230 MUSIC: "Love Plus One" by Haircut 100